


Normal Life

by AJ_MOON28



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Chick-Flick Moments, Consensual Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mostly Cas POV, Mutual Pining, Non-Canon Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 34,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23985487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJ_MOON28/pseuds/AJ_MOON28
Summary: Castiel finds himself staring into some emerald green eyes and evrything chnages.(Author sucks at Summaries)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. License

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the Characters.
> 
> Thanks to my good Friend Anu for sticking with me through the making. I couldn´t have done it wihtout you.
> 
> Chapters are kinda short, i wrote the whole thing in less than six days over WhatssApp.
> 
> Thanks for reading.

I woke up after a rough night and wild dreams. I think they were wild, can´t remember. I rarely remember my dreams. They slip my mind like a slug and it´s really annoying. Other people have so vivid dreams and like to talk aout that. Sometimes i feel left out because i can´t join, makes me a little sad. What can one do? Nothing is the answer. It´s not in my nature, i have to accept that.  
The morning after went like usual. Tea for breakfast with boiled eggs and some bagel with some pastry. Didn´t feel like eating the left over soup from yesterday. It´s in the fridge for later.  
After breakfast i get ready for work. Which means of course a suit, Gos i love this suit, it´s so comfortable and dark. It looks so nice with the white denim under it. The blue tie makes it perfect. I had a striped one once, it was also nice but it wasn´t like my favorite blue tie.  
Since it´s not really warm utside but also not freeying i choose to wear my trench. It´s beige/tan coloered, it´s so nice.  
On my way to work, i work in a public office, people come to me to renew their drivers licens, i see my good old freind Butch. I streak is fur gently. Yes, Butch is a Cat. Who ever gave that Cat the name 'Butch' must really hate cats. He is such a lovely cat. Black fluffy fur, wants to cuddle all the time. After streaking the lovely cat i sigh. I´m not very motivated to go to Work. But money doesn´t grow on trees, sadly.  
Half of the day i serve my Customers with a frwon. They are so deamanding and almost always come prepared. As if they do it fro the first time anyone ever has done it. Though it´s not that long since i saw them. Still they rarely have the needed Documentation. It´s annoying, they alwasy blame me for them not having it. Like: "You can´t deny this to me! You have to tell a person what they need! Now, give me my license or I´ll see that you get fired!" I nevr got fired.  
After lunch I´m ready to hit something, to hit it very hard. I expect this day to not getting any better adn i hate it. I really do. Tomorrow I´ll look for a new job! >>You said the same last week and the weeks before, but you never do it!<< Says my inner voice. Damn, it´s true! I hate this job but I´m good at it and i can´t find a new one that easy.  
In the afternoon, just an hour before i finally can go home, my mood is pretty down. I´m pissed but i can´t let it out. One has to be polite to the Customers. At least the line infront of my desk is not thatt long.  
As i sort the papers from a Customer, i didn´t call for 'next' yet, i hear a voice.  
"Excuse me Sir but are you free?"  
I look up. Apple green eyes are piercing at me. Holy shit are they green! The face that belongs to these eyes is damn straight gorgeous. Though nothing about my thoughts is straight right now. The person who talked is a man, around my age, maybe a bit younger. He has the face of an Angel. I´m looking at him, I totally forgot that he spoke to me. He looks startled for a second, but seems to catch up fast.  
"Sir, are you free?" He asks for the second time.  
Right. There was a question. "Yes, i was about to call for next, so I guess it´s your turn." I notice my face doesn´t feel that frowny anymore. "What can do for you Sir?" I ask in the most polite way I can.  
"I need to renew my license, I´m sorry I´m so late, i know you close soon. Couldn´t come earlier."  
"It´s okay Sir. Do you have the Documentation?" I expect him not to have anything. He doen´t strike me as the 'always-come-prepared-guy'. But his damn beautiful face and his tender voice make me forget that I hate it.  
To my surpirse he puts its all, i repead ALL the needed documentation on my desk.  
"You didn´t expect me to have it all togetehr right?" He knows?  
Good God, that won´t end well. I simply can´t lie to those two beautiful emeralds lookimg at me.  
"No Sir, usually something is missing."  
"Yeah, I figured that you guys here have to deal with that kind of things. I´m not one who wants to make life harder for anyone, so I´m always prepared. You guys have a hard job as it is, no need to complicate things. Not on my watch."  
"That is very kind of you Sir, thank you."  
"You are welcome. Please stop the 'Sir', I´m Dean, call me that."  
"That´s inappropiate:"  
"Only if you don´t tell me your name."  
Smug bastartd! Wait, is he fliting with me? No way! He can´t be! Guys simply don´t flirt with me. Not that i haven´t tried, they just don´t. Here i am, at work, expecting a bad day ending worde and get flirtet at! By a stunning example of a man! What have i done to deserve this gift? Am i going into it? I know the answer before the question is fully formed. Of course I´m going into it. I would be pretty dumb if i don´t. Okay, let´s do this!  
"Alright Dean, I´m Castiel. Nice to meet you."  
"What an odd Name!" He even has the audacity to chuckle!  
I feel the need to punch him in the face, basicially have to restrain myself from punching that smug son of a bitch. But this is work and it wouldn´t look good on my resumee. I can´t wait to go home today!  
Lte´s get over it. "Okay then, Dean, let me get your license and be done with it." That´s the furthest i can stretch the politeness without being in the red zone.  
I leave my desk to get the license, printer is in the back, take a look at the fresh print. ``Winchester´´ Pretty sure i saw it while typing everything in the computer. It´s a nice last name. The Birthdate states what i assumed earlier. He is four years younger than me, which makes him twenty-six. God i feel old now, just turned thirty.  
After laminating the license, I´ll never understand why we don´t do things like other countries, i return to my desk. He still has the damn smug smile on his face, like he knows exactly that i checked out his data. I hate that i love to look at this beautiful face, i hate that he came prepared, i hate him! >>Yeah right! keep telling that to yourself.<<  
"Here is your new license SIR." I pronounce the 'Sir' extra clear. I can´t help myself.  
Woah, he can put on one really disappointed bitchface, including very cute dimples. Even that suits him well. Maybe he is a Model or something. No one looks that good and is not seen!  
"Told you to call me Dean."  
"That makes forty-seven Dollars please." I ignore his complain.  
He pays the fee wordless and in cash.  
"Thank you and have a nice day." To make it perfect I give him a light smile. Who is the smug bastard now BITCH?  
He says. "Thanks" and is about to leave. As he turnes around I´m kinda relieved that he is going but I´m also kinda sad. Don´t know why though. He can go and live where the pepper grows as far as I´m concearned. I breath out the Air i didn´t know i was holding.  
Halfway from my desk to the exit he turns around and comes back. What? Is? He? Doing?  
"I´m sorry, I laughed about your name, Castiel. It´s a really nice name. I hope i can make it right? Would you like to see me again?"  
Holy Shit! WHAT? I didn´t scare him away? Why didn´t this work? It usually does. Dammit! What am I going to do now? I haven´t been with anyone, well not close, in over five years. Should I really engage with someone like him? Especially after meeting at work? But I´m kinda lonley. This is hard. I´m also still not sure what to make of him.  
First he is nice, than he laughs at my name, yes I know it´s odd thank you very much, i didn´t chose it so sue me, then he is nice again, even apologized. What is wrong with that man? I feel like this will be a recurring question if i go into it. Again, i know the answer to this one like i knew the way when i gave him my name.  
"Apology acceped Dean. I wouldn´t mind to see you again." I have to be careful!  
That doesn´t make him smile and i can see in his eyes that he is disappounted. Wait? What? How can i already see so much on him. It´s been like ten fucking minutes since he stepped infront of my desk.  
His face lights up. "I´ll give you my number. Maybe we could see each other when you are not at work. What do you think.?"  
Oh, i can live with that. I´m really intruigued to figure him out, if I can.  
"That sounds like a good idea." I hear myself say.  
He writes down his number. I simply save it in my phoen, just not to loose it. It happens sometimes and i would blame for the rest of my life if i loose his number. I´m sure of it.  
"Text or call whenever you want. Thank you for your good work and have a nice evening. I hioe I´ll see you soon Castiel."  
"The same for you Dean."  
He waves his hand and leaves the room. What a day!

It´s six a clock, wich means i can finally leave. I put my stuff in my desk and secure the sensetive data in the Safe. On my way home Butch crosses my way. Again i streak his wonderfull black fur. He purrs, wants more and more. I happily till he leaves for food. As i step in my Loft i think about my day and the soup from yesterday. I smile, now is the perfect time. I warm it up.  
While i eat i wonder when the best time might be to text Dean. I won´t call him. I´m not the calling-type, i like texting more. If i get the chnace i text, a lot. Also emoticons are fun.  
After just meeting when is the appropiate Time-Winndow to text? I decide to wait after Dinner. Then i shift it after taking a long hot shower. Not that effective since under the nice hot shower my thoughts drift all the time. I can´t get those emerald eyes, those cute dimples of disappontment and that damn beauutiful face out of my head. I should´ve texted him after Dinner.  
I put some music on after the shower and sit on my couch. Okay, now seems to be the best time. I´m writing and deleting my text like a million times, not sure what to write. After a while i decide just to go simple.  
'Hello Dean, it´s Castiel.'  
His answer comes in seconds to my surprise.  
'Hey Castiel, thanks for texting. I hoped you´d text today already, I´m kinda impatient.'  
I smile about that. Impatient, huh? Yeah i figured that right after meeting him.  
'I´m not sure what to say here.' Is the next thing i send. It´s the truth. I decieded not to lie to the man with the grass-green eyes.  
Again seconds later the answer is there.  
'It´s alright Cas. We can start in the beginning and go from there.'  
He already gave me a Nickname? Wow! An it´s even a nice one! I like t very much. Others, even my family, gave me bad Nicknames like ``Cassie´´, if i were any Girl. I hate that one with all of my heart. The Nickname Dean chose is so much more. I´m overwhelmed.  
'Okay Dean. Thanks for the Nickname by the way. I like it very much.'  
'No problem Dude. Tell me about you. Nothing too serious though.'  
Hmm. I suck at this, but okay. 'Well my full name is Castiel Novak, I´m thirty years old and have a big Family. What about you?'  
'You alreday know my full name and age. About the family, it´s onlx my younger Brother and me.'  
'Oh. I´m sorry.'  
'Nah. It´s alright Cas. Our parents died a long time ago, my brother was basicially a baby, i was a todler. We have been adopted by a man who was really good to us. He passed a few years back.'  
I´m not sure what to say to that. It seems like Dean had a tough life, loosing his parnets so young. He probably took care of his brother. He seems like a person who takes care. What am I going to say now? >I´m Sorry> Doesn't really cut it. I have an idea. 'You could use a friend.' Kinda obvious, but well. 'You think?' Plus some emoji. He uses them too? Interesting. 'Sorry.' I'm sure I fucked up. 'Don't be. As said it's alright. Happened a while ago. So Cas, tell me something about your family.' Oh, that's going to be a long story. 'I mentioned I have a big family right? I have six brothers and two sisters.' 'What are their names? Are their names as unsusual as yours? I don't mean to insult here.' I know by now how he means it but it's nice of him to assure me that he doesn't wanna make fun of me. 'The eldest is named Michael, after him comes Lucifer, followed by Gabriel, Rafael, Metatron, me, my youngest brother Samandriel and my sisters. Their names are Hannah and Anna.' 'You have a brother named Metatron? I mean wow! I'd say the girls got lucky. Sorry.' 'It's alright Dean. I thought so too, very often. My parents are very religious, they gave us names that can be related to Angels and Archangels.' 'You must have had a hard childhood.' >>Thank you Captain Obvious!<< I don't say that. It would be rude. I kinda like talking to Dean, well texting. 'I´m still here, aren´t i?' That´s what i send. Hopefully he gets it the right way.  
'True, I´m glad you are, I´m glad it was your desk today. And you are right. I really could use a friend.'  
Can i be freinds with him? Someone who lost so much? Oh i can! want to!  
'Dean, i wanna be your friend, if that´s okay with you.' That took a while to type. ´Cause i´ve known Dean for less than a day and I´m already imagining him as more than just a friend. Way more. His answer is fast as usual.  
'Then we are friedns now, great! What about we do something, like eating Pizza or going to the Movies as friends so?'  
I knew this was coming, could smell it from a mile away.  
'Pizza sounds nice.' Don´t wanna rush things. If Dean really wants just a freind, I´m ready to give that to him From what i know so far about him, he is worth it, he is worth waiting. He would be worth to be "just" friends for the rest of my life. Sure if that´s the case, it will start to hurt at some point but I´m sure i can do t.  
'Awesome. Are you free on Saturday?'  
'Yes, we´re closed.'  
'Great, that´s awesome. We could meet every other Saturday. What about Sundays?'  
'Closed too.'  
'So you have the weekends off!'  
I can read the excitement. He seems really happy to have a friend with time.  
'What about you Dean? You know where i work. I kinda find it unfair that i don't know where you work.'  
Hope that isn´t too much.  
'You are right. That is unfair. *winking emoji* I work as a mechanic, took over after my adoptive father died.'  
Oh family business.  
'That´s good. I have a crappy Car, which I rarely use. It´s nice to have a freind who can repair it.'  
'Bring it whenever you want.'  
'Thank you Dean. Back to Pizza. Do you know a nice Place?'  
'Are you kidding? I know ALL the nice places.'  
He likes Pizza, that´s really cute.  
'Okay, where do you wanna go?'  
'There is this nice place near your work. ``Luigis´´ It´s original Itallian Pizza. I promise it wll be the best Pizza you ever had.'  
'I´ll take you by your word. Saturday it is. What time?'  
'Noon? Is Noon okay? I like to sleep in.'  
'Me too! Noon is perfect!' I send the ``Thumbs up´´-Emoji. It´s official, I kinda have a Date now. I´m already exited. Also glad today is Thursday. Maybe it was my lucky day? It always had a deeper meaning to me.


	2. Pizza Time

The rest of the week went quickly. Either the Customers were nicer or I just didn't give a shit about them. Honestly I was just too excited for Saturday. On Friday eve I got chills, I was getting very nervous. What if gorgeous Dean really just wants a friend? What if he wants more? What if he decides I'm not what he wants? Self esteem never was my strong suit. Maybe I should cancel this. But that would make me a coward. I'm a lot of things but never a coward. No I can't cancel and I won't. No matter what will happen. I have to do it.  
Saturday morning, I didn't sleep long. Think I had a nightmare. My messy bed and me smelling like sweat indicate that it was a nightmare. I wonder if I dreamed someone bad about Dean.  
Before I can meet with Dean, I like to take a shower. One can't go on a ^Date^ smelling like sweat. That's definitely a deal breaker.  
Showers became my new favorite thing lately. They are perfect for drifting thoughts, getting lost in day dreams and some other stuff. Afterwars I use a fresh towel. Shall I shave? Good question. I wasn't fresh shaved when we met. Now it's quite a stubble. I like to have stubble from time to time. Also don't wanna make it too obvious what my intentions are. Surely don't want to scare the guy. I don't even know if he's into dudes yet. Why do I think about that just now? He didn't hint anything during our conversations. Maybe he is straight. Good lord, maybe that's why he just wants a friend. I'm starting to panic, close to cancel this whole thing. Closer than I was yesterday. Didn't even consider about that, just assumed. God, what if I make a fool out of myself? STOP! These thoughts have to stop. They won't lead me anywhere.  
I decide to dress myself a little bit more casual, my work suit isn't made for free time. A well fitting Jeans, not too tight, we don't want him to see any sign of excitement, a comfortable shirt and a hoodie. Nothing more needed, it's warm enough. No trench.  
My hair looks a bit like a mess but combing doesn't help. I do my best but it will look like a mess after five seconds out there.  
The way to ``Luigis`` was easy to find. Dean was right, it really was near my workplace. Sadly Butch wasn't there today. Maybe he is in a comfy home. I already miss the damn cat.  
Standing at Luigis now. Shall I wait outside or go on? We didn't made that clear. I hear the roar of an older car engine. A black 67 Chevy Impala drives in from the other side of the road. What a beauty! Looks loved, like someone takes very good care of it. As the Impala comes closer I have to look twice at the driver. NO WAY! it's Dean! He drives this well taken care of beauty. And he owns it, like he does that every day, like he belongs behind that steering wheel. Maybe he does.  
He waves at me, parks the car, feeds the meter with enough to park there for the rest of the century aka monday and walks over to me.  
"Hello Dean." Eloquent Cas, eloquent. Words don't come easy to me.  
"Hey Cas, it's good to see you again. Nice clothes by the way."  
"You look.nice yourself."  
He does! He is wearing flannel and Jeans. Suits him so well. Though he can pull of anything even silly panties. Not a thought I should continue right now.  
For a second Dean looks like he wants to hug me, he doesn't.  
"Shall we go in, eat some nice Pizza?"  
I can't wait till the day he will hug me. Those arms and the chest look like good hug-material. For now, I'll just enjoy the view.  
"Yes, I haven't eaten a thing yet."  
"You skipped breakfast?"  
"I wasn't hungry." It was almost the truth. Sure I said I wouldn't lie to him but I'm not gonna tell him on our first ^Date^ that I had nightmares because I was so nervous about meeting him was my reason for not having breakfast. HELL NO!  
"Okay" he simply says.  
We go in and the place looks amazing. I rarely eat out, it's no fun alone,.my family lives two states away and I have no friends. Well till Thursday I had no friends. People will look at you weird if you do in such a place alone. That's why I avoid going there.  
Dean chooses a big Pizza with pineapple on it. Fruit on Pizza? Interesting. Usually people don't like it. Me? I don't mind, just not today. Today I'm going full experience and take a calzone. Of course it's a big one.  
The Pizza is all what Dean promised and more! He surely wasn't overselling the 'best pizza you ever had' thing. It's a great Pizza. What makes it perfect is that Dean has the glorious idea to try a part of my calzone. I think for fairness I should have a slice of his Pizza too. It is hella good! The Pizza and the sharing part.  
Afterwards Dean ask if we could do anything else today. He isn't in the mood to end the day just after Pizza. I'm very excited, still very careful. Always balancing between trying to be friends and wanting more.not an easy task. Dean was easy to fall for. His cocky behavior is just a facade, I see that now. His smile, sigh, it's so damn beautiful. It brings light in my life. I've smiled more in the last two hours than in the last thirty years. And it wasn't even a full smile.  
I wanna spend more time with Dean. I would've never asked. But he did. Makes me happy.  
"What do you have in mind Dean?"  
"I don't know man. We could go to a bat or watch a movie."  
This man obviously has no filter at all. He is just throwing things like that in the room as if it's nothing. Maybe it is and I'm just overreacting. Would be so me.  
"I think both sound nice." I answer before my body can betray me.  
Dean smiles, like he is very pleased with my answer. "Cool dude. Come on, we take Baby and i look if a good movie is airing."  
Baby? Does he mean the car?  
I follow him outside. Yes, he meant that beautiful car. He opens the door for me, I'll sit shotgun, next to him. His movements are so fluid, like he did that a million times. I wonder if he has a lot if dates and notice that I get jealous about his exes. I'm sure he has exes, a good looking man like that. It's ridiculous to get jealous about people who might not even exist but I can't help myself.  
Riding shotgun in this car is a total new experience. The seat is comfy, Dean has good music. Apparently he is into classic rock. Fine with me.  
We drive to a cinema nearby. Dean parks, the cinema doesn't take a fee for parking if you watch a movie.  
In the lobby, both of us took at the screens on what is playing. There are a few options I like.  
A new Marvel movie, finally a new Star Trek movie, a western (didn't know they still make them for cinema) and some other stuff.  
"Look Cas! A new Marvel movie is out."   
He seems happy about it. Does it mean he likes them? Do we have something in common? That would be great! Let's see.  
"You wanna see it?"  
"Hell yes! How about you?"  
"I'm on board."  
"Awesome."  
We are sitting next to each other in the already darkened room. I really wanna see that movie but I get distracted. I notice me staring at Dean and his delicious features. His green eyes, focused on the screen, his lips full and surely able to make a sexy pout, his hand taking popcorn this mouth, nothing really nothing about this man is ordinary.  
I catch Dean staring back at me from time to time. I try not to interpret too much into it. He probably just caught me staring thinking I'm a creep.  
The movie is great, I didn't expect less form Marvel aka Disney, they do great movies these days.  
Afterwards Dean and I talk about what we liked about the movie, what had room for improvement and so on. Though that list was short. Yeah, we are on the same level, at least on movies. It's like I've waited all my life to meet him.  
We walk to his car during our conversation and it seems like Dean is trying to slow down our departing. He is fondling with his car keys   
"Thanks Cas,I had a great day."  
"Yeah me too. Thank you."  
"Uhm... I wondered, I'd like to drive you home if that's alright with you."  
He what? Does he do that with all of his friends? Especially with people he just met. My heart, the traitor, makes a jump at his offer. Damn, I hate feeling like this. I'm falling for this guy, seem not to be able to even slow down a bit. If it turns out to be only me, I don't know anymore if I'd be able to survive. Why did I have to meet him? As if I weren't about it. Seriously, who am I kidding here? Of course I'll let him drive me home.  
"That is very kind of you. Yes, that is alright with me. Thanks." I seem like a helpless witness while these words jump out of my mouth.  
I tell him where I live without any hesitation. He says he knows the place, tells me, he and his brother used to live in an apartement nearby. Interesting how the parts come together.  
During this drive we don't need to say a word, just listen to his music. It is like we have a mutual understanding. We arrive at my place. I'm not sure if I shall try to stretch the time like he he did in the cinema garage, so I just say. "Thanks for the ride, hope we can do this again." And get out of the car.  
He smiles and replies with "yeah, I'd like that."  
Now we both stare at each other, we both know we're doing it. Dean is the first to break it, waves goodbye and drives away. I take a very deep breath.  
Back in my Loft I do what after going on ^Date^. Analyzing it, maybe a bit too much. Dean didn't call it a Date, it kinda feels like we just had one. And back to overanalyzing shit. I can't wrap my head around that he stared at me, not only in secret when he was sure I wouldn't notice, no in public, straight into my eyes. Just the memory makes my blood rush in aplace where it definitely shouldn't be right now. Stupid human body, that bitch! Maybe I should try to shift my thoughts to something else. Works for a while, I put a movie on my TV, old sci fy Movie, helps a little. Halfway through the movie my thoughts are circling around today again. The text Dean just sent didn't help either.  
He wrote: 'Hey Cas, thanks again for today, it was awesome. As I recall, you said you have time tomorrow too. Wanna do something together?'  
That's a good sign isn't it. At least I think it is. I can't concentrate on anything after this.  
'Hello Dwan. I had a great time too. Yes, you remember correctly, I'm free tomorrow. It would be nice to see you again.' God I hope that's not too cheesy.  
'Awesome.'  
He uses that word very often, must be one of his spleens or something. I don't mind. I'm sure he is tired of my ^^Hello Dean^^ already.  
'What do you have in mind for tomorrow Dean?'  
'Hmm. I wanna show you my workshop, maybe you can meet my brother.'  
Sounds like a great idea to me. Hopefully his brother likes me, People usually don't. I'm already astonished that apparently Dean likes me. Can even dream of being that lucky that his brother might like me too. Not the way I like Dean, but if anything ever comes out of this, I'd like to have good relations to family members of the people I get involved with. Oh right, I have to respond.  
'Yes Dean, I'd like that very much. Where do I go?'  
Technically I already know his address from his data but this is the polite way right?  
'You know what, I come and give you a lift, I like to drive and it's not so far away from my workshop. Also Baby can use the excercise.'  
His obsession with that car is hilarious, but I'll never say that to him.  
'Thanks again. When will you arrive?'  
'Would ten in the morning be alright?'  
Didn't he said he likes to sleep in on days off? Maybe it's just Saturdays.  
'Ten is very okay. I'll see you tomorrow.'  
'Yes, great. See you tomorrow.'  
Doesn't take an expert to know that I spend the rest of the evening to wonder about the man with the fanfiction green eyes, the dimples of disappointment and the freckles. Did I mention the freckles before? He has a lot of them. I've counted hundred so far, wishing I could touch them.... not only with my hands. >>Okay stop that. I'm not doing that. Nope definitely not. I'm not imagining what it might feel to touch Dean or to kiss him. Not if I wanna be friends with him. Not if he just wanna be friends with me<< my body calls me out as the liar that I am good thing my Jeans is not tight. Otherwise I would totally embarrass myself on my next meeting with Dean.

I wake up this morning, good lord that must've been a very vivid dream. My bed feels wet and sticky. Think I don't need to know what I dreamed, already have a hard time dealing with everything when I'm awake. >>Hard time, Haha! Very helpful, Cas, very helpful.<< I decide to have a quick shower and stuff myself with a leftover bagel before getting ready for the date. I stick to the same Jean's, still clean, a new short and weather. The mirror tells me I look alright. Not like desperate for having a date or something, no I look normal. Perfect! Five minutes before ten my bell rings. Dean's early.  
I take my keys and wallet and opened my door.  
"Hello Dean." Goodness he is right infront of me!  
"Hey Cas. How are you doing today?"  
"You almost gave me a heart attack, other than that I'm alright."  
"Oh sorry, but I couldn't just wait."  
"Alright. Shall we go?" Boy, he will be my death.  
"Yeah, told Sam he'd meet you."  
Since I have nothing to say to that I just stay quiet. We leave my house to get in the car. It isn't a long drive, as Dean has said, but it's a nice one. No music today. Dean just keeps talking to me. About his work, how he came to be a mechanic. Both, his biologic and his adopted father have been mechanics he is so passionate about his work, I figure he really likes it. He also tell me stuff about his brother. Four years younger than Dean, going to law school in Stanford. Close enough to Dean to see each other very often. It's easy to see that Dwan loves his brother, that they apparently have a deep bond, but a very healthy one.


	3. Brothers

Sam is way taller than his older brother, a giant. He must be 6'4 or something. Dean already is taller than me but not that much. Against Sam I feel like a midget. Of course my first impression is blurred by his height. But I'm wrong. Sure he has the body of a greek god, must run in the family, but his character is soft and warm. You want to tell him all of your problems, you just know he will take care of you. Dean always looks like a proud hen when he looks at Sam. It's obvious that he basically raised his brother. Sure they had their adoptive father, I bet he did a great job too. Still it's clear that Dean played a huge part in who Sam is today. I admire Dean wven more.  
The workshop is nice and surprisingly clean. Dean really takes good care of everything he touches. I learn how adoptive fathers name was Robert Singer. They just called him.Bobby. Bobby never tried to make the brothers change their last name despite the adoption. I think that's remarkable, must've been a great man. I thank the Universe for her kindness to pair me with these two wonderful men. I know I don't deserve this.

Time runs fast when you enjoy yourself, they day is over faster than it started. Feels like I just got here, though it's already getting dark. Dean offers me a drive home but, after today, I could use the walk. As polite as I can I decline. Dean looks not too disappointed.  
The walk does what I intended. My head clears up, the fresh air feels good on my lungs and the way is not too long. Still no Butch. I start to get worried. Tomorrow is a new day and he'll surely wait for me on my way to work.  
Arrived at home my phone vibrates and I see a text from Dean.  
'I hope you got home well. Really had a great time, Sam said so too. Hope we can do something like this again, soon.'  
It was a really good day.  
'Yes, I got home alright. Sam is a really nice man. Thanks for introducing me to your family, I enjoyed today. Haven't met someone like you two in a very long time."  
Oh damn, that could be taken the wrong way.  
'That's what friends are for. We are friends aren't we?'  
Phew he didn't take it wrong, I'm glad.  
'Yes, we are friends.'  
'I guess we both have to work tomorrow but I'm looking forwards to meet you again, whenever you want.'  
He puts the ball in my field with this, leaving it up to me. He doesn't strike me as the giving up guy. Maybe I did something wrong? Ohhh, he probably wants me to be in the game and come up with our next activity. Yeah, must be it.

That's the last thing I see of him for two days. I'm growing impatient already. It's only Tuesday. I have to text him, I need to see him again. Tuesday is usually not my day but I decide to text Dean after work. Won't be able to concentrate if I do it before. I don't like to fail at work.  
Day is going slow and slower, like bubble gum, which you stretch till it's way to long and thin and ripping apart. I hate it! The only light is Butch is back. I'm kinda relieved. He pulls himself around my legs, his fur looks more shiny than I remember. He probably got a bath or something.   
Back home texting Dean is the only thing on my mind.  
'Hello Dean.' I see a pattern here.  
He answers right away. 'Hey Cas. I was waiting for your text.'  
Words seem to come easy to him. Why can't I be like that? >Hello Dean< as if there wasn't any other way. Being me sometimes is very disappointing.  
'So Cas, what's the word?'  
'A shortened version of my name.' I answer instantly. >>Sigh<< Dean must think I'm an idiot. His reaction is three of the laughing emojis. I'm grateful. The hour of truth, I know he waits for me to have a plan for our next meeting. I had two days to figure something out, still I'm nowhere. What can one do with a friend if he doesn't want to push things to hard? This is harder than expected. Maybe this?  
'Are you interested in laser tag?' Seems to be harmless and it's fun.  
'You are kidding aren't you? That's my second favorite thing! Yeah, I'm interested.'  
I chose right? Me? Woah, that's a first.  
'Good. I know a place, not far from you. We could meet there and play a round or two. What do you think Dean?'  
'I like that. It's a really good plan. Shall we set noon again?'  
'Noon is fine with me, gives me enough time to sleep in and get prepared.' Why did I add that?  
'Oh, hehehe, okay prepare yourself as much as you want *winking-emoji.'  
Gosh I hate his smugness.  
'See you on Saturday then.' My weak try to change the subject.  
'Yeah. Would it be okay if Sam comes too?' As if he even has to ask.  
'Of course,your brother is very welcome.' Who would I be if I exclude his brother? I've seen their bond. Surely I'm the last person who wants to come between them.  
'Thanks Cas. Till Saturday then. Have a nice week.'  
'You too Dean.'  
Saturday can't come fast enough.

The rest of the week is also pulling itself like gum. When it's finally Friday I feel very exhausted. Even Butch noticed my lack of interest in him.  
Friday eve, I'm home, I start to lighten up. Tomorrow I'll see Sam and Dean again. This night will go sleepless, simply know it in the moment I lay down my head.  
Really was a crappy night. My thoughts ran around and around on Dwan, on how today might go. Though with Sam there nothing serious will happen. I still haven't established if Dean even might be interested in men or if he's straight. I kinda doubt it but one does never know.

We meet at the entrance. To my surprise Sam pulls me in for a hug. Feels pretty cool. I ask myself if Dean will hug me too.  
"Ah, come here Cas!"  
I'm pulled in another hug. Wow! This is better than just dreaming it. Dean smells very good, not to masculine but enough to weaken my fresh build walls. Afterwards I simply can't stop myself from staring at him. He stares back. Someone clears his throat.  
"Ahem, shall we go in?"  
It's Sam. I totally forgot he was here too. Dean breaks the staring first.  
"Okay Sammy, let's go in."  
Sam throws him a huge bitchface. "It's Sam."  
Oh the dynamics between these two is great. I catch myself smiling like a radioactive sheep, gladly nobody notices.  
We form a team of three and fight with three other teams. We win gloriously, little thanks to me. I don't suck at the game but holy shit are the brothers good. It's like they have been shooting all of their lives. Also it looks so natural, like a gun belongs in their capable hands. I'll ask Dean about it later. Don't wanna ruin our victory. Afterwards we go to a nearby bar to celebrate.  
After a few drinks Sam excuses himself with the very suspicious reason of needing to do schoolwork. On a Saturday...right. I don't say anything about it, just wish him a good way home and good luck. He smiles at me, pulls me in for a short hug, whispers something in my ear, hugs Dean and leaves. Takes me a moment to realize what he just said.  
"If you hurt him I kill you."  
Great, death threats are totally what I needed for my life! I try to nod after him but he already turned his back and is walking out.  
"What did he say to you?"  
Should I tell him? Nope, not going to happen.  
"He just wished me a good night." The first true lie I ever told Dean. I feel bad already. But this was for me only.  
Dean seems to be a bit tipsy, he doesn't push further.Phew, hopefully he'll forget about it.  
Boy Dean can drink! I already have enough after two beers, he is emptying bottle number four. I'm simply sitting there, only nipping at bottle number three and listening to his stories. Seems to be a good moment to ask about the shooting.  
"Where did you learn to shoot so well? I was totally impressed."  
His face turns sour, like he ate something bad. Oh oh! Seems to be a bad memory.  
"Sorry, you don't have to answer." I stay silent for a while.  
After what feels like an eternity Dean turns his full attention to me.  
"Both of my dads used to hunt. They taught Sam and me everything about it. Mom and dad died at a hunting accident. Bibby was killed by another hunter. They claimed he didn't see what he shot, thought it was a deer. I'm still not convinced that this is true, sadly I have no proof."  
"Must've been very hard on you two. Sorry for ruining the mood."  
"It's fine I just don't like talking about it."  
"Understandable."  
I look at my watch for some reason. Already past midnight. Did we spent most of the day in that bar without even noticing? Something is definitely going on here.  
"Time really flies." Did I say that out loud? Apparently, Dean is staring at me.  
"What?"  
He sounds like he had one beer to much.  
"It's past midnight."  
"Oh, that late?"  
"Yes. Maybe we could meet again? Probably not in the middle of the night?"  
"Of course. I should head home too. Sam is probably worried sick."  
He is getting out his car keys.  
"Uhm, maybe you could walk? You had a lot of beer, driving might be not a good idea."  
Something changes in his face.  
"Aww, are you worried Cas? Cute. I'm good."  
"Just be careful okay?"  
"Yes mom." He says in a mocking tone. "See you soon."  
He simply walks away, no goodbye, no smile, just his distancing back. Did I overstep?  
I'm forced to pay not only my drinks but his drinks too. He totally forgot about it. I only see the red backlights of the Impala when I walk out of the bar. The evening didn't end well. Drunk Dean is someone very different and not my favorite person at the moment.


	4. Fight

My head hurts like a stampede walked through it the next morning. Gosh why did I drank so much? Haven't been drinking in a long time, not since her. No, I don't wanna think about her right now. It's been five years.  
Getting up wasn't a good idea, my head pounds even more. I'll never drink like that again. >>Ahahaha<< I laugh at myself. That's what I said the last six times. Although before yesterday I really was quite sober.  
In the hope to find a new text from Desn I look at me phone. Sadly nothing. Maybe he is still sleeping, he had quite a lot. Hopefully he came home safe.  
Maybe I went to far in trying to tell him that he is too drunk to drive. Maybe he drunk drove the car in the next tree and is dead now, cause he was too mad to listen. Okay enough! If I really want to know I should simply text him. If he answers I'll at least know he is not dead. How do I start? Oh, right.  
'Good morning Dean.' Good start. Now I have to wait. If I send more I'll look clingy. That's a no go, even for me.  
While I'm waiting (I totally sit on my couch with the phone in my hand, waiting for an answer. So not.), I'm taking a pill for the headache.  
One hour goes by, teo, three, four. After five fucking hours, five hours of worry, five hours thinking Dean is dead, five hours in self loathing, because I think it's my fault, after all of this a loud ^Ping^ relieves me from my pain.  
'Hey.' That's all. Don't know what to make of it. Okay at least he is alive.  
'Hello Dean.' I really should stop saying that.  
'Yo Cas, lets have lunch. I know a place, best burgers ever.'  
I see another pattern, he seems to be full into junk food. How does he keep his body in that great shape?  
I have to make this right.  
'Lunch sounds great. When?'  
'Right now.'  
'Uhm...lunchtime was like three hours ago.'  
'Come on Cas! Don't be like that.'  
I'm tempted to jump at that.  
'Also burgers always get the win.'  
I was ready to go anyways.  
'Yeah okay. On my way. See you there.'  
Okay, I'm kinda pissed about the way this is going and it shows.  
'Okay then.' Dean replies.  
This is going to be great (not) but I wanna see him, see if he is alright.  
I know the place, I walked by it once or twice. Though I'm not so into burgers.  
I'm not waiting outside for him.  
He is already in there, sitting at a table, waving at me. He even smiles at me.  
"Hey Cas."  
No hug, pains a little.  
"Hello Dean." I'm getting annoyed at myself. He doesn't seem to care.  
A waitress come over, asking what we'd like to order. Dean doesn't look at the menu, he seems to already know what he wants. He looks at me, curiously, like if he is asking something. Maybe he want's to order for me? Is that a good idea? I think so. Don't even know what's edible here he obviously does so I nod.  
He really orders for us both. Interesting. Apparently taking charge is in his cards.  
While we wait for our food none of us talks. Usually Dean is easy to talk to but something seems to be off.  
"Dean? Is everything okay?"  
"Peachy."  
I smell a lie. "You sure?"  
"Leave it Cas!" He commands me! I try to change the subject.  
"Did you get home alright yesterday?"  
He is barely looking at me. I don't know what is happening here, it's definitely nothing good. Can't still be about yesterday, can it?  
"Are you my mother now Cas?"  
The hell? Where is that coming from?  
"Of course not. I uhm, I was just worried." I'm really trying here.  
"You don't get to worry about me!" He snaps. His dimples of disappointment full on display. His words hurt a little. I try to shove them away. Maybe it's me?  
"I'm sorry. Change of subject?"  
He just grunts.  
"How is Sam?"  
"Sam is fine. Can we just have lunch? I didn't come here to be investigated."  
That's hoe he sees me? Investigating him? I'm just trying to have a normal conversation here. I'm slightly getting pussed at his behavior.  
"Fine." I say more grumpy than I wanted.  
Okay take a deep breath. >>Calm down.<<   
Maybe I'm breathing to loud or something, he snaps even more.  
"Oh blow me Cas!"  
The fuck? Hell no! I'm fully pissed now.  
"Sorry I'm breathing. This was a bad idea."  
"Yeah."  
"Maybe I should just go?" It's more a question then a statement.  
"Maybe you should."   
DAMN! I'm so ready to leave with an empty stomach. Hell I want have this crap! Somehow i feel like this is my fault even I don't know what I've done wrong. Though I don't have to let him treat me like that. Especially since we just met. What is wrong with him?  
While I stand up I look at him one the hope he at least looks back for once. He does look back.  
"Not for nothing Cas, last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid." He says in the most disrespectful tone I ever heard, even has his cocky smile!  
That's it! I need to get out of here! I'm done with him, so done!  
"Alright, goodbye Dean!" I know my voice mirrors what I feel but I simply don't care.  
No idea what went wrong I storm out, don't slow down till I get home, till I'm safe. I'm never going to talk to him again!


	5. Dean

I'm such an idiot! Snapping at Cas like that. It started so well almost two weeks ago.  
I went to renew my license, of course knowing what documentation is needed, it wasn't my first time. I was pretty late, they were about to close in less than an hour. Gladly my waiting line wasn't that long. Sometimes I like to spy on who is serving, 'cause you learn a lot about a person by watching how they do their job. As I spied on that Thursday I almost forgot to breath. I'm so lucky this was my line. The dude who served was stunning. I was like five meters away but his sapphire blue eyes shined through the whole room. His face looks beautiful despite the imprinted frown. Still, he was the politeness in person, as far as I could tell. Always helpful, always having a nice word. No matter how long his day already might have been.  
The customers before me weren't prepared. All of them missed one or another paper. Losers! I could hear his sighs over here, although he didn't do them in an obviously way.  
Last customer before me got served, the perfection of a man before me was sorting his papers and licking his lips. I don't think he noticed, but damn, this was hot! It took me exactly two seconds to decide if I shall disturb him or just wait till he calls for next.  
"Excuse me Sir, but are you free?" I hear myself asking.  
He looked at me. Holy fuck! Those eyes, those lips!  
Although I suddenly felt the need to put some balm on his lips.  
He looked startled at me, confused. >>Let's try again.<< I thought.  
"Sir, are you free?" I could see him coming back to earth.  
"Yes, I was about to call for next, so I guess it's your turn now."  
His gravel voice did something, my blood rushed in all the wrong places, at least for what I came here.  
His frown disappeared, he looked very friendly.  
"What can I do for you Sir?"  
I hated the 'Sir', well I guess it was a rule. His sexy voice sounded like liquid politeness, as if he had done that a million times. Maybe he has.  
"I need to renew my license", I said, quickly added something "I'm sorry, I'm so late, I know you close soon, couldn't come in earlier." I could see he was liking the way this was going, almost a smile. God his face will kill me if he ever presents a real smile to me.  
"It's okay Sir. Do you have the documentation?"  
Ha! My time to shine! Could see he was waiting for me to say that I'm so sorry for forgetting something. Hehehe he had no idea what was about to hit him. As I laid all the needed papers on his desk I saw him raising one eyebrow in surprise. Got him!  
"You didn't expect me to have it all together right?"  
Again he looked surprised as if he didn't expected anyone to understand.  
"No Sir, usually something is missing."  
I felt the need to explain myself, that was new.  
He replied. "That's very kind of you Sir, thank you."  
Damn! Enough with the 'Sir'. I felt encouraged enough to take a step.  
"You are welcome. Please stop the 'Sir', I'm Dean, call me that." He replies instantly. "That is inappropriate."  
I had to hide a giggle, he was funny! Also he didn't exactly close the door.  
"Only if you don't tell me your name." What was that? I could see he gave me a cussword in his thoughts. Holy shit! His face showed so little but I could already read him like a book.  
It took him exactly two point five seconds to decide.  
"Alright Dean, I'm Castiel."  
I'm not proud of what happened next. "What an odd name." I even chuckled. I could see in his face I fucked up. Why am I like that? It was visible that he was trying not to show his disappointment, his wish just to leave. Damn!  
He got himself together quickly like there was still a job to do.  
"Alright Dean, let me get your license and be done with it."  
Oh that was hard, very hard on the line and he knew it. I surely deserved that, every single bit. He left the desk, left me alone with my thoughts. This went horribly wrong.  
He came back after a few minutes, a new laminated license in his hand. I needed to make this right.  
"Here is your new license SIR."  
He was doing that on purpose, I could tell. I did deserve worse but fuck this was disappointing. Obviously my face showed, I cought him staring at my dimples. I needed to try again.  
"Told you to call me Dean." He ignored me.  
"That makes forty-seven Dollars." Fuck!  
I was about to give up, gave him the money without a word.  
"Thank you and have a nice day."  
Then IT happened! As to make it all perfect, I knew the son of a bitch knew what he was doing, he showed half a smile! It looked damn good on him, I almost died.  
"Thanks." I wasn't able to say more.  
Halfway to the door I realized I couldn't leave it like that. I turned around, apologized (ME!) for my behavior and gave him my number. He looked very confused, I simply hoped he would text.  
I didn't expect him to text the same day, though I already grew a little impatient, but he did. We talked a little, I felt the need to get to know him better. I took the first step in asking him if we could meet around the weekend. He agreed.

Saturday went very well. We had Pizza, a movie, just a great time. I caught him staring at me during the movie, more than once. He behaved like nothing happened. I also was staring at him the times he watched the movie. He didn't catch me. Hehehe. It was a great afternoon, could count as first date. I'm sure he was thinking about it, he just didn't ask. Maybe he doesn't see this the way I do. Or maybe he just needs to know me better. Way more better, yes!  
I had an idea, invited him to my place. Well i told him it was my workplace, didn't tell him I lived there.  
Also Sammy needed to meet him. I was sure Sammy would approve Castiel, named him 'Cas' already, and that they'd become friends. It went way better than expected. Sam likes Cas!  
I looked forwards to meet him again. This time I waited for him to make the next step.  
Took him till damn Tuesday. Man he must be pretty insecure. I was happy he texted! He even had the best idea ever! Laser tag! Of all things.  
Sam and I haven't done this in a while. The city even has a decent place. Of course I asked if Sam could join. Cas was fine with it.  
We beat them all! Cas' shooting skills were pretty good. Though I could see his impressed expression towards Sam and me. Perks of being sons of hunters. Cas wanted to ask, it was written all over his face. He held it back.  
To celebrate our victory we went to a bar.  
After a short time Sam excused himself. Something about having to do school stuff. Very subtle, way too obvious. I could see Cas didn't believe the story either.  
Sam left, gave Cas a hug, like he did before, as if were nothing to it. Sure I also had hugged Cas today. It was awesome. Totally different from Sam-hugs. Nothing brotherly. While Sam hugged Cas, I noticed him whispering in Cas' ear. Son of a bitch! I know what he was saying. Sam already knew what I didn't.  
I asked Cas later what Sak had said to him. Cas lied. The first lie he ever told me. Pretty sure I know why he lied.  
His face looked guilty, obviously he didn't like lying. For once I didn't push. Cas looked relieved.  
Beer number four for me I noticed Cas was just nipping on number three. Not a big drinker, good. I drink enough for all of us.  
When he thought I would be tipsy enough (He had no idea how far I was from that), he asked the question about our shooting skills. My face did what it always does when it comes to the story why Sam and i can shoot like pros. Cas pulled back, ready to leave me be, even apologized. Though I wanted to tell him. I gave him the full story. He understood! Usually I get pitty talks about it. Not from Cas. I was surprised. He simply acknowledged how I must have been feeling, again apologized for even asking.  
A few minutes later Cas looked at his watch.  
"Oh, time really flies."  
What the fuck? Only "what?" Came out of me.  
He explained to me that it was past midnight. I didn't even noticed till this point. Then he asked if we could meet again. Maybe I was more tipsy than I thought, I didn't exactly answer his question. Not really. Said something about Sam being worried. Sam was not worried. He knows how much I can handle. I simply felt the sudden need to get outta there. Sam was just my excuse.  
I was sure driving baby home wouldn't be a problem, I drove her way more drunk. Cas on the other hand had the balls to call me out. He was worried. But me being me couldn't accept his worry. I replied with sarcasm, rudeness and just left.  
Only in the Car I remembered I forgot to pay for my drinks. Meh, Cas would take care of it, I thought. I just wanted to go home.  
I was rude, I know that. I'm sure Cas was worried sick. I really don't like being worried about.  
When his text came the next morning I totally ignored it. Of course I was already awake, didn't sleep much.  
His text got ignored for most of the day. Why was I acting like that?  
After five hours nothing could stop me from replying anymore. He answered instantly.  
'Hello Dean.' I smiled at his usual text.  
I asked him if we could get lunch together. Not sure if that was really a good idea but I wanted to see him. Told him about the burger place, wanting to go there right now.  
He had the audacity to tell me that lunchtime was over. My pulse got faster, I knew what fucking time it was. I still was slightly pissed and him pointing things out didn't do any good. But I wanted to see that bitch, so I bitched him to do the lunch anyways.  
I was early, got a table and waited for Cas to show. He arrived shortly after me. We said "hello" to each other. His face looked sad for some reason. Hated to see him sad, though I thought it wasn't my problem, still kinda pissed.  
A waitress came to take our order, I knew what was good, gave Cas a look as in asking to let me take care. He nodded. That was a win for me. Silence filled the next few minutes.  
Cas asked if everything was okay and I could hear the worry in his gravel voice. I answered in Winchester manner, could see on his face that he knew my answer was a lie. He asked if I was sure. I gave him a warning to leave it. Really hate when people worry about me too much.  
Cas' next question was intended to change the subject but it totally backfired. He asked if I got home alright. Wrong question. Didn't want to be a little bitch, couldn't help myself.  
"Are you my mother now Cas?"  
That hit him where it should. I could tell he was trying so hard, even acknowledged that he was worried. I snap at him. Simply for the fact that he was worried. Which is actually cute, now that I think about it.  
He apologized again. Asked for a change of subject. I grunted.  
Cas asked about Sam. At this point i was totally pissed for no reason and him bringing in Sam made things worse. I said something about feeling investigated. His face showed me that he wasn't happy.  
"Fine." He said and his sexy voice sounded grumpy.  
He took a deep breath and for some reason that totally set me off.  
"Oh blow me Cas!"  
I didn't mean to say that. Sure, I'd like him.to do that, just not like this.  
"Sorry I'm breathing." He sounded pissed. "This was a bad idea."  
"Yeah." It really was.  
"Maybe I should just go?" It sounded very uncertain.  
I wanted to say something nice.  
"Maybe you should." I said instead.  
Cas was done, his expression said it all. He stood up, looked at me, still hopeful but ready to give up.  
This looked way to sexy on him, especially when he tilted his head. I'm not proud of my following words.  
"Not for nothing Cas, last time someone looked at me like that I got laid." I couldn't have said anything more insulting, underlined it even with my smug smile.  
That was his last straw.  
"Alright, goodbye Dean." His voice sounded hurt. He turned around, basically stormed out. Then it hit me, like a brick wall. What have I done? I know i hurt him, i didn't want to. Now i think i took it way too far. For what? Just because he worried about me? >>Idjit<< Yells Bobbies voice in my head. Shouldn't I be glad? Dude obviously cares about me.  
I fucked up, badly. I'm sure he won't text again, in his position I wouldn't. It's up to me to make it right. From what I've learned so far I bet he blames himself.  
I need to talk to Sam, he is way better with feelings. He'll know what to do. Oh dear, Sam will know how I messed up! No, no, no! Can't tell Sam about it.  
Gosh I feel like crap. Cas doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve him!


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Light self harm! Be aware!

Three days. Three days came and went. I had to restrain myself more than once to not text Dean. Not after that! Hell no! Even if I made a mistake, which I'm still not certain I did, i don't deserve to be treated like crap   
He didn't text me either. Maybe he doesn't want me as a friend anymore. Maybe he just wants people who he can push around. I wonder how he could have raised his brother so well. Every time my thoughts wander to Dean my pulse is racing with madness and longing. Interesting feeling, really. Like you miss your abusive father. Makes no sense. None at all.  
Why can't I just delete his number and get over it? But for some reason I still hope he will text. I still hope we can be friends. Deep down, very deep down I still hope we could be more.  
I cried myself to sleep every night since the whole thing went down. Hopefully not today, almost a week is way too much crying for that short relationship, for our none existend relationship. Oh great! I made myself sad again. What the fuck is wrong with me?  
I take a extra hot and long shower. My skin is glowing and paining under the heat. Maybe it is a bit too hot but it's what I need. My sensitive area cries for help, for the relief of the heat. I ignore it. Burn bitch burn!  
When I'm done I feel clean, everything hurts, I feel better. Much better! I know I'll regret that shower tomorrow, no actually this night already. It was so worth it!  
Sitting on my couch with some.nice peppermint tea, delicious bread and crumbled eggs, I take a short look at my phone. I know I shouldn't, I should just turn it off. I can't. I fond a text from a unknown number.  
'Hello Cas, I don't know what happened between you and Dean last weekend. Dean is drinking all day, last time that happened Bobby died. So something bad must've went down. It's not really my place to meddle I know. I'm quite sure you didn't hurt him. He is quite good in doing things to himself and to others in the process. But Cas, would you mind just to text him? Sam.'  
Oh, this is Sams number. Should I save it? Done.  
Dean is drinking himself to death by the sound of Sams text. I'm very worried. Though I feel like it's not my fault and I won't run after Dean. But I like Sam, I should answer.  
'Hello Sam.' Man that habit is really bad. 'Thanks for telling. Yeah something went down. If he doesn't tell, it's not my place to tell. Just saying, I'm not the one who should stop our silence. I'm not saying this to hurt him or you Sam. I'm simply saying there are certain things I won't let slide, surely not encourage by running after. I'm sorry but I can't do anything else than decline your request, although I wish I could. But me texting him now would send the wrong signal.'  
'I'm sorry Cas, I'm sure you've done nothing wrong. I shouldn't have asked. I hate to see him like that, you know.'  
I understand that.  
'I understand Sam. What I can do is offeryo be here for you, you can text me any time. You are my friend, you know. Friends are there for each other.' Will Sam accept the offer?  
'I'd like that, very much. Thanks Cas. Yes, you are my friend.'  
After some minutes a new text comes in.  
'I'll try to talk to Dean.'  
'You don't have to Sam. I don't wanna cause problems between the two of you.'  
'I can handle Dean.'  
'Just be careful.'  
'Alright. Maybe you are right. I think it's time he learns to handle things himself.'  
'Probably. Lets talk about something else okay?'  
'Okay sure. So get this....'  
I learn a lot of things about Sam this evening and half of the night. Seems like we both could use a friend. Sam is easy to like. I like him very much but differently than Dean.  
I learn that Sam has a deaf girlfriend, named Eileen. That he even learned ASL to understand her better.  
He tells me about his law school, his career wishes. He wants to become a lawyer for good causes, defending the innocent, the nature and helpless animals. Sam is a very good person. How the hell did he turned out like that with Dean? Mayne this Bobby-Person did most of the job. I wish I could meet him.  
Sam is also very open with the death of his parents. I know if I could see Sams face right now, I'd see the pain for the loss lingering there. Though it seems like he takes this stuff very differently than Dean. Siblings! I sigh. Do that quite often since I met Dean.  
Around three in the morning Sam says 'Good night.' For the first time this week no tears  
I sleep long this Saturday. My skin doesn't hurt as bad as expected, just a slight sting, especially in the sensitive are. No reason to worry about it. There is certainly no reason to put that area to use in the near future.  
I decide to have the most unhealthy breakfast I ever had. Which means bacon, a lot of bacon, pancakes with loads of Canadian mable syrup, bun streaked with a thick layer nutella and coffee. I don't need coffee, rarely drink it but today I deserve a treat.  
The rest of the weekend goes by eventless. Though Sam and I text from time to time. He is not mentioning Dean and I think it's on purpose. I don't ask, not my place.  
On Tuesday I'm ready to delete Dean's number. It's probably for the best. Although in a real friendship with Sam I might bump into Dean. I should probably keep the number.  
My thoughts change from keeping to deleting the number to the other way around every five seconds. I'm making imaginary pro and contra lists. If not something happens soon I'm going to loose my mind. Those emerald green eyes nor the freckles won't leave my daydreams. Im screwed.  
On Tuesday evening I'm about to really loose my mind. Not talking to Dean for over a week didn't make it easier.  
I miss the man, reached a point where I'd even let him treat me like shit again. Luckily I still have a little pride left, which won't let me give in.  
I'm sure I'm handling this right but resistance shrinks with every hour that passes.  
Wednesday morning, I finally find a text from Dean. My heart jumps in my chest just by reading his name on my screen. But I'm scared to open his message. What if he just texted to say 'Goodbye' for forever. What if he is still mad at me for reasons I can't understand? What if he acts like nothing happened? The last one would be the worst I think. I can't stand a dude who won't stand up for his mistakes. Okay I can't read that now. Would mess up my day and I need to work. This week I have to be more perfect than usual. It's ^People-who-shouldn't-drive-anymore-but-don't-see-that^-Week. Means mostly old man who think they are God of the road but can't even drive straight forwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruinion was about Cas and Sam connecting.


	7. Moving On

I don't talk to Cas nor Sam for over a week. Rather drown myself in alcohol and yeah, lets be honest, girls. A one night stand after another. No clue why I'm even doing that. It's wrong, so wrong.  
Sam looks worried all the time. I can't tell him what I did to Cas. He wouldn't understand. How could he? Wven I don't understand why I acted like I did, still do. Still no word from Cas. Why would he? I wouldn't text me if I was him. Why don't I? Why do I keep doing that to myself? The drinking, the meaningless sex, though no dudes, not since I met Cas. As if I'm keeping myself clean for Cas. >>Hahaha, girls don't count....right.<< I shake my head about my own stupid logic. I shouldn't have sex at all! I'm clearly aiming for something with Cas.  
Though we aren't a couple, we aren't anything right now. We never even talked about if we both roll the same way. Great! A new fear is rolling over me. Cas might be straight or, worse, already in a relationship with another dude. Urgh. Whatever, what's one more nightmare?  
The next weekend I notice Sam texting. A lot. I'm sure he is texting to Cas, probably stole the number from my phone. Who else could he text to? Eileen lives with him. They are always together, she is just in the other room. He texts when he thinks I don't notice. Eileen seems to know. She was right behind him at one moment he was texting. I'm sure he tried to talk to Cas about me. I'm even sure Cas listened. I also bet Sam asked Cas to break the silence. Cas won't. He shouldn't. This is all on me.  
I watch Sam's hide-texting-game till Tuesday evening. I have enough. I'm missing Cas, wanna see him.  
I should get myself together, man up, stand up and try to make it right. As I did with apologising for the name laughing so long ago.  
Eileen seems to see it coming, she signs Sam she needs to go elsewhere, totally not obvious at all. Sam nods and kisses her on the lips. I'm glad he found her. Way better than his previous girlfriends. She's a keeper, a real treasure. She understands Sam in ways I even don't. Sam's proposing soon, I'm.sure. I'm damn happy for him. Doesn't help.me with this longing for Cas.  
After Eileen left it's my chance. Now or never. Never means loosing Cas. That's not happening, period.  
Sam sits on the couch, pretends to read a book. The bitch isn't reading at all, I know thtat. I've raised the kid, know everything about him. Know exactly what he is doing right now. He opened the window, knowing I'm ready, knowing today is the day. The fucker knows me as well as I know him.  
For once I'm glad we work out like that, cause if he'd ever mentioned anything I just would've snapped at him too. Yeah I'm idiotic like that.  
"Sam?" He looks up.  
"Huh?"  
"Listen, uhm, something went down with Cas."  
He throws bitchface number three as in ^You don't say!^ at me. Always works for him. I see he tries to hide laughter. Damn, sometimes I hate him.  
"Alright" he says controled calmly. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"  
To my own surprise I tell him everything. He doesn't look too surprised, knowing how my brain works.  
"That wasn't really nice, you just met the dude. He probably didn't know what hit him."  
"Yeah. I didn't mean to, it all went horribly wrong. I snapped at him while he just wanted to help. To make it worse, I put the cherry on top."  
"Have you talked to him?"  
"Uhm.." as if Sam doesn't know. "No I didn't. I don't blame him for anything. I deserve the silence. What do I do now? I want to make it right and start over."  
"You really like him?"  
"Like you don't!"  
"He is the best friend I ever had after you."  
"You just met him."  
I know I'm pushing here, I know they texted, but I wanna hear it from him.  
"To be honest, we text quite often. I, uhm, kinda stole.his number from your phone on Friday."  
"Why?" The answer is quite clear but it's always good to know that Sam still cares, always had and always will.  
"I worried about you." He pulls the puppy-eyes! As if I ever could be mad at him. Though there were some times when we were younger, I yelled at him for worrying so much about me. He probably still is afraid that I'd yell at him or worse. Didn't happen in ages. Old habits die hard I guess.  
"I'm actually glad you guys get along so well."  
Now Sam is surprised. I disturb his surprise.  
"How do I fix this? What if he doesn't reply? What if he does?"  
"You'll never find out if you don't try. Just text him. But don't act like nothing happened. He seems not like type who looks over such things. You need to address it."  
"He would've texted if he was the type. Thanks Sammy, I'll try. I promise to do my best not to fuck up again."  
"I'm not the one who you should promise that but thanks."  
I wait till Wednesday morning. I need to be rested to pull that off. No chance doing that after a long work day.  
Wake up early. For thirty minutes I'm sitting infront of my phone, trying to figure out what to send, how to start. >>Come on Dean! Don't be such a wuss!<< Let's get to it, man this is hard.  
'Good morning Cas', yeah, feels like a good start. 'I'm sorry for what happened on the last two occasions we met. I know you meant no harm, know you worried about me. I'm sorry for my behavior. Should've just said that I don't like people to worry about me. I really don't. I didn't say that. Sure I was drunk on Saturday, doesn't excuse what went down on Sunday. My actual plan was to make it up to you. Sadly I snapped. Again. Simply because you still worried. Didn't want to. Then, i know you tried so hard, you brought in Sam. In that moment it was the tip of the iceberg, the cherry of the cake. No blame falls on you, how could you've known? Me being me made everything worse. I'm really sorry Cas. If for one reason you find it in you to forgive me, to start over, I'll be here, I'm open. If you can't, if you never talk to me again, I'll accept that. Would be hard but I promise. Dean."  
I'm kinda proud of the text. It's the most honest text I ever wrote. Hope Cas will read it, hope he'll understand. I hope he'll reply. Although I promised him not to push, if he doesn't reply, I feel.like not being able to keep that promise. This thing with Cas, whatever it might become, just started. The last week showed I can't handle if it ends now.  
After sending the text I head to work, phone always on me. I need to see if Cas texts back. On the other hand I keep telling myself that I have to move on if he doesn't. Yeah this dsyw I'll be very slow, like a slug.


	8. Restart

I spend the day wondering what Dean texted, can't concentrade on work. I could've read it before, still wouldn't do worse. I'm distracted, slow, people yell at me, it's a mess. Somehow I get the job done, at least the boss is happy.  
When the clock finally hits six, I'm faster out than the 'Flash' can run around the earth. I ignore Butch, he hisses at me for attention. Poor cat, is used to get a lot of love of me. I'll make it up to him tomorrow, even bringing him a treat.   
I'm so impatient for reading the text but reading on the road is nothing I do. Don't wanna kiss the next lantern because I read texts. I've seen it happening to others, not something one wants to experience.  
Basically I run the way home. Made it in half the time. I'm not out of breath though, training is everything. I like running.  
I bust in my Loft, throw my shoes and trench away. I need to read the text before doing anything else. I sit down on my couch and start to read.  
'Good morning Cas.' Oh, I've never read him so polite. I continue.  
'I'm sorry for what happened on the last two occasions we met. I know you meant no harm, know you worried about me. I'm sorry for my behavior. Should've just said that I don't like people to worry about me. I really don't. I didn't say that. Sure I was drunk on Saturday, doesn't excuse my behavior on Sunday. My actual plan was to make it up to you. Sadly I snapped. Again. Simply because you still worried. Didn't want to. Then, I know you tried so hard, you brought in Sam. In that moment it was the tip of the iceberg, the cherry on top. No blame falls on you, how could you've known? Me being me made everything worse. I'm really sorry, Cas. If for any reason you find it in you to forgive me, to start over, I'll be here, I'm open. If you can't, if you never talk to me again, I'll accept that. Would be hard but I promise. Dean.'  
OH MY GOD! My heart almost stops, can't breath for the next three million years. This is everything! So open and honest. Don't know how I know I just do.  
I read the text over and over again. After the twentieth time reading I remember how to breath. Okay, my lungs yelled at ma, same result.  
Holy mother! Dean apologized, really meant it. I do understand, would've understood if he just said it in the first place. Though more and more I get who he is. He doesn't show feelings easy. He hides behind cockiness, snapping and being a dick. But deep inside he is soft, honest, vulnerable. He definitely doesn't like to show it probably someone used this side against him.  
Shit! I waited the whole day! He must think I don't care anymore. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I reply as fast as I can.  
'Hello Dean.' Hmpf, this isn't going away.  
'I'm grateful for your text. Thank you so much. I do understand. I forgive you, of course I forgive you. If you're still on board, I'd like to see you. Cas.' As if he just waited for me to reply the answer comes seconds later.  
'Oh Cas! I like to see you too, soon. Glad we cleared that up. How about Saturday?"  
I smile. Seems my weekends are going to be fully planned out for a long time. Well I hope.  
'Saturday is perfect. I'd like to see the new Star Trek movie. Any chance you'd like to see it?' I wanna share all my favorites with him. Want him to share his favorites with me.  
'Hell yeah! You always pick out great. Love Star Trek, not so much the Khan-Worm, but yeah, I'm all in for Star Trek.'  
Khan-What?  
'I don't understand that reference.'   
I've seen all the movies, can't remember that term.  
'In Star Trek all, the wrath of Kahn, Khan uses these ugly worms to control that one dude and chekhov. These worms are called "Khan-Worms".'   
Ohh. I remember, oh okay. 'That makes sense. I've never heard that term before, I think.' I don't mention that I saw the movies all alone. I never had a real friend to watch with. But that's a story for another time.  
'It's alright Cas. I'd like to help you to understand all the references.' He's amazing! Why was I mad at him again?  
'I'd appreciate that. Thanks. Is three pm okay for you?'  
'Sure. I'd like to pick you up.'  
A question was hidden in there. He wasn't sure if I'd like to drive with him. I enjoy walking more but for him, I'll always make an exception.  
'Yes please, I missed the car already. She will be a sight for sore eyes.'  
'You like Baby?' I thought he knew.  
'Yes, she's beautiful.' >>Like you<< I almost add. Close one.  
The rest of the week goes by like a blink of an eye. Butch got a treat, lots of pets, he loves me again. Didn't hiss at me, yay.  
Finally it's Saturday. I haven't seen Dean in two weeks, which is in my opinion way too long. Though I'm trying not to interpret too much, still not knowing how Dean sees this thing between us. But neither of us can neglect that there is something going on.


	9. Movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will be shorter now, sorry.

Dean is punctual at my door. I like that. Makes me feel special, like he really cares for me.  
When I open the door he pulls me in a tight hug. I'm melting away. He is hugging me like a drowning man hugs a rescue ring, tight, firm but so soft. His breath gently touches my ear.  
Holy shit! I should've chosen the Jeans from.our first ^Date^. This one is tighter. If he keeps hugging me like that he will see how I feel about him. Shit, shit, shit! I try to focus my mind on the picture of the bugle Khan-Worm, that helps.  
When he lets go of me nothing shows, I'm sure.  
"It's good to see you Cas."  
"Hello Dean." Dammit!  
Dean chuckles, it's a happy chuckle, like he is glad to hear those words again. Maybe he is.  
"Let's go." He says. I humm in agreement, don't wanna embarrass myself any further.  
I missed Babies purr. Yes, I'm calling the car ^Baby^ now. Dean is happy about it. He has the biggest smile on his face. As if this is the best thing that ever happened to him.  
I wonder how it would feel to touch those freckles, one by one, to place a kiss on his forehead, to touch the dimples of disappointment and to kiss those pouty lips.  
I should think about something else.  
Five minutes later I catch myself staring, again. This is ridiculous.  
Dean parks Baby in the cinemas garage.  
"Oh Cas, let me buy your ticket please. I know you paid for my beers the other day. Thanks for that buddy."  
Oh. I totally forgot about that. Dean is the walking distraction.  
"Yes, thank you Dean."  
Dean buys the most valuable seats, pays way more than I paid for his drinks. I'm not complaining.  
Afterwards he asks "Popcorn?"  
"Yes please."  
He turns around and walks over to the snack sale before I can say more.  
"I'll just wait here then."  
He seems not to hear me, at least I hope.  
Aimed with drinks and huge containers of popcorn we take our seats. During the advertising, which seems to get longer everytime, I notice Dean staring at me. Can't help it, I stare back.  
"I'm glad we are doing this." He speaks the truth, it's written all over his face.  
I really like when he is sharing his vulnerable side.  
"Yeah, me too."  
As the 'Paramount Mountain' shows I know the movie begins.  
For once, since i know Dean, I'm not catching myself staring, the movie is too damn good. They outdid themselves. The soundtrack alone! When the spaceship enters the huge space station I shed a tear, it's that beautiful.  
A finger catches my tear, wipes it away carefully. I look over yo Dean. He looks caught but also surprised about what he just did.  
"Sorry" he whispers in my ear. So close I can feel his breath again.  
"No problem." I try to hide a shiver, the movie continues.  
The tear was nothing to what what happens next. The iconic spaceship gets beaten, destroyed, crahslands on a unknown planet and our Captain has to watch the destruction of his 'Lady' from a secure capsule. If I wasn't already loosing liquid about this scene, like the baby I am, the soundtrack makes it all too painfully perfect. Did I mention I love Star Trek?  
Suddenly an arm is wrapping me in, as to keep me grounded, as if Dean knew that's what I need now. Maybe he needs it too.  
When i at him I see a suspicious shining in his eyes and too very obvious wet lines down his face. None of us says a word.  
We spend the rest of that amazing movie like this his shoulder just feels too good.  
The movie is over, the good guys won, they always do. What a ride! I hope they'll make another movie soon! Love that franchise.  
Sadly this means we have to leave now. Which means leaving Dean's comfortable, soft, warm shoulder.  
I take a deep breath and loose myself from him. I hate it! The world suddenly feels cold and lonely.  
Dean doesn't say a word as we leave, doesn't say a word till we are in Baby.  
"Thanks Cas, that was a great movie."  
"Thanks for watching it with me."  
Neither of us mentions the tears nor the snuggling.  
"We should do this again." He says. Oh yes, I'm so in! Even if we stay like this for the rest of my life.  
"I'm in, anytime Dean."  
"Maybe we could bring Sam some time? Eileen doesn't go to the movies."  
"That's understandable. Yes of course we bring Sam." Though no snuggling then if I guess right. I'm not going to exclude Sam in favor of my selfishness. Sam is a good guy and my friend.  
"What do we do know? Bar?"  
Hell no! "Uhm sorry Dean, maybe next time."  
"Right, sorry, I didn't think."  
"It's alright, don't worry. We will gi to a bar again one day, I promise." I'll never take that away from Dean. I'm just glad he understands my actual feelings towards bars.  
"Alright buddy. Let me walk you home?"  
Walk me home? Him? I thought he always drives. That's new. Heck yeah!  
"Oh that's sweet. Yes, walk me home Dean."  
We walk together in silence. Dean is very close to me, lacking any concept of personal space, as if he has to make sure that I'm really there and not just a fragment of his imagination. He is so close our hands slightly touch on several occasions.  
After half the way my hand doesn't belong to me anymore. It's in a tight hold. Feels very good. Still no talking.  
Best walk home ever! If that's not a sign for us being on the same page then I don't know what is. It feels so good being gently touched again. It's been so long.  
Hopefully this here right now won't end like the last time. It almost broke me. I loved her so much.


	10. Memories

It started about seven years ago. I met this beautiful young lady, a year younger, chubby (the nice way) but beautiful body, long straigtblack hair, all natural, eyes deep like the ocean. I counted myself lucky to have met her.  
Our first meeting was at a coffee shop, I drank more coffee back then.  
I was way more sure of myself than I'm now, of course I asked a beautiful lady like her for her number. She gave it.  
I texted like five minutes later. She seemed to be happy about the attention. We had a first date.  
All went well, she let me kiss her 'Good night', on the cheek though.  
I fell hard and fast for her.  
So sure she felt the same, asked her to move in together on date three, the obligatory sex-date. She said yes. We surely fulfilled the obligation till we both couldn't keep our eyes open.  
We moved in together the next month, stayed like that for a year. I was about to propose, planned out that I'll do it on our second anniversary, even had the perfect ring.  
I should've known, should've noticed, that she wasn't who I thought she was.  
The day before my planned proposal I came home late. I'll never forget the picture I found. Clothes all over the place, none of them mine, but hers for sure and another means clothes. I heard noises from our bedroom. Half under shock I walked to the bedroom and opened the door.  
There she was, riding here bosses (which she claimed to hate) hard long dick like the whore. She was enjoying it. In the familiar, most new or shy movements they were performing I could tell that this was not the first time this happened. Neither of them noticed me standing there, staring, branding my brain with those pictures forevermore before the reached the highest point I sneaked out, place myself on the sofa.  
After five minutes of very loud moa6i decided I couldn't stay.  
I left for the next best bar. Needed to forget. Not my proudest moment followed as I got myself drunk.  
After the barkeeper said I had enough I wanked home, couldn't be called walking at this point.  
I opened the door, stepped in my home and found everything clean like nothing happened. She sat on the sofa, watching some comedy romance, she loved those, acting like every evening.   
Yes I worked late more than twice a week but everytime I was home I took care of her 'needs' and good as I was able to.  
Of course my drunken brain connected the evidence and made a picture out of it. There i was, about to break, loosing the love of my life (at least I thought she was), knowing it was over. And she was just sitting there, like nothing happened! I got mad, still wouldn't want to hurt her. I simply said.  
"You can move out tomorrow."  
She looked surprised but also like a huge weight was lifted of her shoulders.  
"Why? Don't you love me anymore?"  
She seriously tried to play that card? After what she did? My angry drunken brain couldn't be stopped anymore.  
"You have the audacity to ask? Seriously? After what you just did? In OUR bedroom? With your fucking boss?"  
She looked shocked.  
"You know?"  
"Understatement! I've seen it!"  
"You are drunk, you don't know what you saw."  
At this point I could only get more angry.  
"Why do you think I am drunk? Haven't been drinking for the last two years! I cought you in the act! That's why I went to get myself drunk."  
There it was, the face of defeatment. Also imprinted on my mind.  
Next thing I knew, she was gone, didn't came back. Ever.  
I sold our apartement, even moved to another city. I couldn't stay there where everything reminded me of her.  
Now, about five years later the wound is healed, only a scar of it itches from time to time. Like it does when I'm with Dean.  
I haven't been in anything serious after her, just a little fling here and there. The flinging was mutual though, both parties always knew nothing would come out of it. I wasn't ready, not for a long time. Not till that destiny heavy Thursday almost a month back. I was ready when I first laid my eyes on those freckles.  
Maybe now is the right time to share my past with Dean. Before one of us might get hurt.  
Firstly I need sleep after this exciting day. I say 'Good night' to Dean, thank him for the walk home, even find the courage to hug him tight.  
He embraces the hug, again like he is drowning and I'm his lifeline.  
After we loose the hug Dean looks hopeful towards me.  
"Will I see you tomorrow Cas?"  
"If you wish, yeah."  
"Yes, I wish to see you tomorrow." He smiles at me, it's beautiful.  
We set a time and he leaves. I need a cold shower.


	11. Old Stories

Hugging Cas is my new favorite thing. I'd never admit that but it is. After I did hug him for the first time so many weeks ago I longed after it, very hard.  
Today i couldn't help myself. What a hug that was. He smells so damn good! I don't know if it's aftershave, deodorant or his natural musk, I just know I love his smell. I'm so excited, it feels like a second date already, especially after that hug.  
Of course I offer him to pay for his ticket, I need to make up for what happened. He takes the offer, I'm glad.  
I buy the best tickets they have he is worth it and more. I also want to buy him popcorn and a drink. Again he takes the offer. While going to the snack sale I hear him say the cheesiest line to my back. I bet I smile like an idiot. I decided to act like I didn't hear him. He is so damn cute when he thinks I don't see or hear him   
"I'm so glad we are doing this." It just slipped through my walls. Cas has that power over me.  
He agrees. I see the tiniest smile on his face. I wish he'd smile more. Maybe one day.  
The movie is great, only about twenty minutes in I catch myself staring at Cas. During that amazing shit with the awesome music I see how a tear starts to roll down Cas' face. Ohhhhh.... He's emotional. I love it!  
Not able to stop I gently wipe the tear away. He looks at me with big eyes.  
Ups. "Sorry." I whisper way too close to him.  
"No problem." His voice sounds a bit heavy.  
Later Cas is full in tears, who could blame him, the movie took a hard turn. I can't help it, I have to wrap him into my arm. Also my damn face is suspiciously wet too. Damn they make great movie these days! For the first time ever I don't give a crap if anyone sees my tears, not even if Cas sees them. He cried first, I'm sure he won't judge me, like she did.  
Sitting here with him actually snuggling into me, my thoughts drift to the past.  
She was a Goddess. Two years younger, perfect body, long blonde curly hair and eyes so brown they reminded me of melted chocolate. Been together for five years. We were so young, so stupid.  
She always had something to complain about me: "Why can't you eat more healthy, why can't you drink less alcohol and more water, why don't you sell the damn car, we need the money? Why do you cry during a fucking movie? It's fiction for crying out loud you swear too much!" On and on she went. The only thing she didn't complain about was the sex.  
A man can take continuing complaining only for so long, he had a lot of fights. Till she decided she had enough of me. Stepped out with my former best friend, hear they live in Cali now, with two point three kids and a white picked fence. I didn't love anyone like her afterwards.  
I was only twenty two when we ended. Four years ago. Had a lot of fun since then. Dudes, girls, didn't matter. Nothing permanent though, I like being unattached.   
But with Cas it's different. The way he looks at me, the way he tilts his head, how his ocean blue eyes pierce at me, how his full lips always look like they need balm or need to be kissed. The way he only shows half smiles. I haven't known him for long but dsmn, I keep falling deeper and deeper.  
Of course I offer to walk him home after the movie. He looks surprised. I bet he thinks I drive all the time. He is not wrong. I simply noticed he likes walking. A walk would be nice. He takes the offer and I lost count hoe often he did today.  
We walk closely to each other, I can't tell who is invading whoms personal space but I know neither of us minds. Our fingers touch slightly while walking.  
Somehow my hand acts on it's own and just closes around his hand. LORD! His hand is so warm and soft. He doesn't pull away. I take it as a win.  
We reach his apartment way to soon. Maybe I was a bit disappointed that he didn't want to go to a bar earlier. Though I understand why. Too soon. Cas promised we will go in the future. I know two things now. I'll see a bar with Cas and I have a future with him. These two made my day. Maybe that made my hand grab his hand.  
At his door he pulls me into a hug for the first time ever. I feel I could die happy now. I embrace him, never want to let go.  
Well he seems to have other plans.  
I need to take it slow, don't wanna ruin this, almost ruined it once. Not going to happen again.  
I still feel bad for it, but after today i feel less bad. That's a plausible, could use a little less self loathing. The walk back to Baby is filled with joy and happiness.


	12. Time

It's been a while since I woke up rested like today. What a nice Sunday. I look forwards to see Dean. I'm sure Sam will be there too. Maybe I even get to meet his girlfriend. I wanna see the girl Sam talked so fondly about.  
Today our ^Date^ is around brunch, before lunch but after breakfast. I'm sure Dean will make food. I skip breakfast, just drink tea. Earl grey, hot*.  
I feel in the mood to take public transportation. Usually I hate it. Its overpopulated, overpriced and clean like a ditch. None of that bothers me today. Also I'm faster at Deans.  
My car, if you can call the rusty thing that, hasn't been moved in ages. Sometimes I even rent a car to visit my family. Lately I only rent just to not forget how to drive. I should sell the pile of crap in my garage. Also gasoline is hella expensive.  
I reach Dean's workshop after ten minutes. It's completely closed.  
On the workshop door with the transparent windows I find a paper. 'Cas, walk around the corner and ring the bell please.'  
Wait what? Does the workshop has attached an apartement?  
I do as the writing says and yeah, around the corner is an apartement door. I read the nametag above the bell. ^Winchester/Singer^ Bobbies last name. Maybe there are still letters arriving for him. I heard stories where people send letters to people who have been dead for twenty years. Why not? People do weirder things.  
I ring the bell, a buzzer humms. I push the door, it opens. A voice comes from upstairs.  
"Up here Cas!"  
Fifty two stairs later, yes I counted, I'm at Dean's door. He grins at me.  
"Nice surprise Dean." He invites me in.  
A table is already filled with delicious looking food including healthy stuff. Sam and a lady with long brown hair sit at it. I guess that's Eileen. Dean introduces me.  
"Eileen met Cas. Cas this is Eileen, Sam's girlfriend."  
"It's nice to meet you."  
Oh, she is able to talk, that's rare for deaf people. Or maybe they just choose not to.  
I say 'Hello, nice to meet you Eileen, I'm Castiel' in sign to her. Both brothers choke. I've never told I made I course in ASL for the job two years ago. I'm a bit rusty but Eileen smiles wide and signs 'thanks' to me.  
Sam overcomes his surprise firstly, gets up and hugs me.  
"Cas, that was a nice surprise. Thanks. You're the best."  
"You are welcome."  
No Dean hug, not even a move towards me. Maybe he doesn't do this infront of Eileen. Or maybe he just forgot about it.  
"Cas you look sad, are you alright?"  
Oh, am I that obvious? "Yeah, I'm alright Sam."  
We all take a seat and the food tastes as delicious as it looks. I notice Eileen and Sam eat mostly the healthy parts. Dean downs the not so healthy parts.  
While eating they talk about stuff. Life, work and other. Sam starts to look more and more nervous. Ohhhhh is he going to propose today?  
After the meal I help Dean cleaning up. When we come.back Eileen has a new shiny diamond ring on her finger. Sam really proposed. They both tell us the news, we all smile like drunken idiots. Dean stares at me like he sees me for the very first time.  
I know I don't smile like that often, mostly half smiles. Maybe I didn't show a full smile to him before.  
Dean's pupils dilate to almost the full size of his iris. I love that I have that effect on him. I'll safe my best smile for him.  
"Hello? Earth to Dean and Cas! We are still here."  
How long did we stared? "My apologies Sam."  
"Hmm okay. Just do your eye thingy when no one else is in the room alright?"  
"Come on Sammy, it's not that bad."  
I smile at the nickname.  
"You totally forgot that Eileen and I are here. Cas already has only eyes for you. I must say Cas, I feel attacked, I thought we were friends. What, you like him better or something?"  
I know Sam is just playing around, the goofball he is, but the words slip faster than I can hold them.  
"Dean and I do share a more profound bond." Shit! Did I really just said that? All eyes are on me, I feel naked. "I wasn't gonna mention it." Makes it so much better, sure. Fuck. The metaphorical cat is out.  
Dean simply laughs, full out with shoulders moving, all in. He laughs so hard, Sam and Eileen join in and even I chuckle.  
Dean lays his hand on my shoulder. "Don't ever change."  
Not sure what to respond to that I just nod. His hand stays on my shoulder for a while.  
The rest of the day we toast to the new engagement, enjoy ourselves, add a lot of drinks. I feel already tipsy although I only had one glass of whatever that was. Maybe whiskey.   
Those brothers are strong drinkers. I'm not sure how much I'm able to handle before I'm fully drunk. But we have such a great time, every one is happy. For once, after so many years, I don't stop. I feel safe here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Note of the author: this is a Star Trek TNG reference. Yes I'm a trekkie, sue me.


	13. Fire

I can't remember how I got home last night. The regret after drinking too much the next morning is real, especially since it's Monday. I take something for the headache. Maybe I should call in sick? I've never been sick since I started the job. Colleagues of mine call in sick on a weekly basis. I don't know how they afford it.  
Sure, we have a nice policy. One gets five paid sick days per year and thirty days for vacation, no extra payment but the normal amount. Which is rare in this country but pretty normal in Europe. Also the job pays enough to afford a decent health insurance. Another point why it's so hard to leave.  
I decide I'm going to work but trying to take vacation for next week if that's possible, or the week after, we'll see.  
After morning tea and a slice of bread I'm ready to go. Where did I leave my phone. Oh right, nightstand. I check the battery and find a text from Dean.  
'Good night Cas, or good morning, you seem pretty hammered right now. Hope the headache isn't too bad. XOXO Dean."  
Woah, does he know what 'XOXO' means? I know it's mostly used as a alternative for kisses. Did I kiss him last night? I wouldn't, would I? No, I've never been that drunk that I couldn't remember if I kissed someone. Also I don't feel like I did. I'm sure pure happiness would pierce through me, sobering up, if I kissed Dean. Apropos, he deserves a reply.  
'Good morning Dean. My head is fine, thanks. Also thanks for yesterday. Hope to see you soon. XD Cas.'  
This is the start of a very good day. I'm sure Dean will reply later. I bet he is already working on someone's car.  
Butch enjoys the extra cuddle he gets today. My frown doesn't show on my face for the whole day. I might look like an idiot with the half smile cemented on my face, I just don't care.  
After work I make a short stop to get some groceries. Oh and yay, my boss agreed to my vacation plans. I have a full week off starting on friday eve. Of course I'm telling Dean.  
'Hello Dean, I have some news for you. Mayne we can do something with it? I have a full weeks vacation after I finished work on Friday. I'd like to spend some of it with you.' Or more if it goes the way I wish. His answer comes faster than lightspeed.  
'That's awesome Cas! Actually I was thinking about taking some time off too. The workshop will be fine for a week without me. I have enough workers. Maybe we could make it into a real vacation and travel somewhere nice together?'  
He didn't just say ^Let's travel together^? He totally did! My lord! I love traveling to new places, of course I have savings, even a passport. I can go anywhere on this planet. Though I prefer somewhere warm with a beach, cool people, nice sights and time to read a book or two.  
'That's a great ide. Where do you wanna go?"  
'Hmm. Malibu? Or somewhere on the west coast. They have nice beaches there. Baby can drive us there, road trip dude.'  
Interesting. Why not fly? Should I ask? Hell yeah. Though I'm already way too deep in, I don't even care how we get there. A sixteen hour road trip with Dean all alone in his car is not the worst idea i ever heard. Still, I'm nosy.  
'Question, why not take a plane?'  
Takes him a while to reply, maybe o said something wrong.  
'You know,uhm, I have this issue with flying. I prefer to drive.'  
Oh flight fright! I adore him even more for admitting that.  
'Thanks for telling. I'd like to have that road trip with you. Let's go and meet up at the traveling office around the corner and make reservations.'  
'I'll be there in five minutes.'  
This is going so well. Blood rushes like hot lava through my body into the southern regions just by daydreaming about that trip.  
It takes us both less than three minutes too meet at the office. I wonder if he actually was closer to me than I expected him to be.  
We hop in, make reservations. Our trip starts at Friday after we both finished work. We'll take a night in a motel on the road, continue our drive on Saturday. We'll arrive around afternoon and stay at a super class hotel till Friday eve. We'll take the same way back and leave sunday for resting afterwards. It's a perfect plan. We chose the hotel to be all inclusive, neither of us wants to bother with Domestic.  
All reservations finished Dean walks me home. Good thing I just bought some food today.  
"Would you like to have dinner with me?" I'm thinking of making spaghetti.  
"I'd love to have dinner with you."   
I notice he never has been in my place, only at my door. Oh. That changes now.  
"Your place is very nice." He says after I showed him around.  
"Thanks."  
He insists on helping with the cooking. We work together very well, as if we've done this for years and not for the first time. Also he is so close. We bump shoulders or "accidentally" touch each other. Sure, all platonic, totally. I'm so glad I shifted into sweat pants.  
Our spaghetti taste like heaven on earth. I'm not sure if it's our cooking skills or just simply the fact that we eat them together.  
There is no need to talk during our meal. I catch Dean more than once staring with dilated pupils at me. He probably catches me doing the same. Everytime it seems like he does his face lightens up. As if he is happy with what he is seeing.  
He helps cleaning up too.  
"Thanks for dinner Cas. It was pretty awesome. I'll better head home now, we both have to get up early for work and make preparations for our trip. I'm kinda excited for the trip, just the two of us." He is right.  
"It was nice having a dinner guest, especially such a fine one. Thanks for being so helpful. I'm excited for our trip too, love that it's just the two of us. We'll get to know each other better."  
"Much better."  
"What?" He didn't?  
"Oh, uhm, nothing." Liar! His face turns red, I can feel the heat radiating.  
He simply hugs me for 'goodbye', I embrace him. This time it's me who hugs like there was no tomorrow, inhaling his unnatural good smell, enjoying his breath lightly flowing over my skin, clutching my hands into his flannel. The last hug simply was too long ago.  
I need to end the hug, hoping he didn't notice something hard pressing against him. Maybe he did notice, I can't tell. Luckily the sweat pants hides any evidence.  
"See you on friday eve Cas." As nothing happend.  
"Fridaty can't come fast enough."  
"True. Have a nice week till then."  
"You too Dean."  
I wave after him, stand in my door till I hear him leave the house. What a nice evening this was. My face heats up with the thought of the hug, even gets hotter with thinking about the trip. Yepp, Friday can't come fast enough.


	14. Trip

After a long week of impatient waiting, for it to be over, I'm ready to jump of a bridge. Dean makes me the most impatient version of myself, I don't even care. I have packed my stuff for the trip on Wednesday already.  
Of course the customers were extra pissy this week. And of course I only think about Dean the whole time. I wish i could wipe the now imprinted half smile out of my damn face. People started to flirt at me, even the most manly pissed off dudes. It's annoying. Deep sighs slip when I'm alone.  
Eventually it's Friday, finally Friday. My suitcase is waiting home for me ready to go. One hour before I can leave. Just one hour of work. It's about damn time.  
After sorting the papers from a customer I call for next. I can't believe who is sitting infront of my desk.  
"Hello Castiel, it's been a while." A shy smile sits on her face.  
What is SHE doing here? Why is she here? Why now? After all that time. After over five years. Haven't seen HER since the day she moved out.  
"You?" I'm not able to say more.  
"Yeah, me. Sorry to startle you like that. I didn't expect to run into you, didn't even know you live in this city. I only came here today to renew my license."  
I take a deep breath. "Okay, that won't be a big deal. For this there are certain papers needed. I need your old license, your birth certificate, your actual ID and a actual photo of you."  
She puts it all on my desk without a word and I remember being prepared was one of her qualities I appreciated so much back than. She's only the second person in the last two months who came prepared. Dean was the first one ever.  
"Thank you."  
She smiles. I take the papers, hammer the info in the computer. As I finish I give her back her papers.  
"Excuse me for a moment, your license will be ready soon." She nods.  
Of course I noticed her new last name on the documentation. Not a big surprise, it's the last name of her boss. She married him? Good for her.  
The pain of the past is really gone. I feel nothing bad for her, but even a bit. I'm actually happy for her, finding happiness. I even catch myself wishing her well. Though I wouldn't want to be friends with her, too much water under that bridge.  
As she sits there, patiently waiting at my desk, looking a bit nervous with a very guilty looking expression, I know I'm finally over her.  
"Thanks for waiting." I hand her the brand new license. "Fourtyseven dollars please."  
She pays with a shiny golden Visa card. I don't give a shit. She can't impress me with anything these days. She still hasn't said another word, till now.  
"I'm sorry Castiel."  
"Huh?" I'm startled. For what exactly?  
"I should've told you I wasn't happy with you, I shouldn't have cheated, I shouldn't have come here today and I definitely shouldn't have taken your desk. But when I walked in and saw you, you of all people, working here, I had no other choice. I felt regret for what I did for a long time, still do. You didn't deserve this."  
An apology? After all this time? I'm not sure what to say. I'm speechless. She looks at me, uncertain, like she doesn't know me at all. Maybe she never did.  
After like five million years i find back my ability to speak.  
"It's all in the past. If you live here now, I'm okay with that. It's a big city, it's highly unlikely that we bump into each other again. Your new license will last for the next eight years, remarkable number right? Don't worry about the past anymore. I moved on, you should too. Have a nice evening." Damn I got close to the red line, but this needed to be said. I see this hurts her more than me still being mad at her, or me yelling at her or however she expected this to go. She sighs loudly.  
"Guess you are right. Thanks for the new license. A nice evening for you too. Goodbye Castiel." Not even once she uses that impossible nickname she gave me back then.  
She walks away, shoulders hanging. It doesn't matter to me anymore. I have just thirty minutes left and then, oh then I'll run home and have the best vacation anyone on this planet ever had.


	15. The Road

I make the way home faster than the Enterprise can travel the universe. Dean will pick me up in ten minutes.  
I take a shower in Guinness-World-Record worthy time, don't wanna bother Dean with smelling bad till we reach the hotel.  
When he rings my bell, I'm totally ready, I take my suitcase and get out.  
"Woah, you really are excited!"  
"Hello Dean." I'm not even bothered anymore about that cheesy line.  
Dean smiles and pulls me in for a hug.  
"Hello Cas, it's good to see you." He mostly whispers.  
His hot breath in my ear sends chills through every frigging cell of my body. God I missed him.  
"It's good to see you too." I whisper back.  
He tries to hide it but his body shows a similar reaction like the one I just survived. He ends the hug with his hands on my shoulders and smiles at me.  
"Ready to go?"  
"I was born ready." He chuckles.  
Dean insists on carrying my suitcase. Damn that's heroic and fucking hot. I don't feel robbed of my manhood. I know he doesn't mean to imply that I'm not strong enough. He is just caring and he loves to show that around me.  
I've only known him for a short period of time, I'm always surprised what I already know about him. Without him telling me anything about himself.  
We drive for the next five hours, arrive at the motel just after midnight. Faster than expected, dean points out. He was speeding, made the way in shorter time. We were supposed to arrive at two in the morning. Though the motel personal has our room already waiting for us.  
Oh my! We will sleep in the same room! Holy shit! I totally forgot about it. The same in the hotel, I'm very nervous.  
When we want to enter the room Dean suddenly stops, I almost run into him.  
"What the actual FUCK?"  
"What is it Dean?" Doesn't he like the room? Is it messy? I try to look but him standing in my sight blocks most of my view.  
After almost breaking my neck in my attempt to see I view what startled him. The hell? There is only one big bed in that room. Didn't we say two beds?  
"Oh!"  
"Are they fucking kidding?"  
I get that he is mad. "I can take the couch, no big deal. It's only a few hours. I'll be fine." That's the truth. We won't stay here longer than till eight in the morning. I have no problem with sleeping on a couch. Though I wouldn't mind sharing the bed with Dean.  
Urgh, there is the old issue again. I simply don't know if he really swings that way. His reaction might imply that he doesn't.   
He seems to get himself together.   
"No Cas! We paid a little fortune for this room alone. You definitely won't sleep on the couch! Neither will I. I'm just mad about the price. The bed is big enough for the two of us, if you don't mind to share."  
Oh my goodness! I get to spend the night in one bed with Dean?  
"I don't mind, if that's really okay with you."  
"I offered, didn't I?"  
"Yeah you did. Alright. It's settled then."  
"Dips on the shower." He suddenly says. I nod, I'll shower in the morning.  
I'm getting ready for bed, can use a little rest. It's going to be a long drive tomorrow. About ten hours. Maybe dean and I could shift the driving. Though I doubt it's likely. Dean's obsession with Baby tells me he rarely let's anyone drive. Well then I'll do my best to keep him awake.  
Dean is back from his shower, wrapped only in a towel. Mother of the earth! I'm dying! His bare chest, delicious pacs, belly a little chubby from his eating habits, still perfect. Oh damn! Does he know what this does to me? Probably not.  
His eyes twinkle suspiciously. He does know! That son of a bitch! Keep it cool.Cas, keep it cool. Right.  
"I'm finished, you can go in now."  
Fuck him! Nice idea. Wait! Hmpf! I go to brush my teeth. I agreed to share my bed with HIM? Have I lost my mind? Obviously. What if he's straight? Yes I know my thoughts always go there. It's a viscous circle. I hate it. I hate him for having that effect on me. I even hate more and more that I still don't know if we are on the same fucking page.  
I take extra long to brush my teeth, sorting my thoughts.  
When I come back he already lies on bed, his back towards me. Good! That's better. He is already asleep. Well it looks like he is.  
I also lay down, make myself comfortable with the blanket. Soon REM sleep takes me over.  
I wake up early, about two hours early. Something firm and warm is pressed against me, a weigh lays on my shoulder. I carefully turn my head as far as I can. Dean must've moved while I was asleep. He is wrapping me in like I'm a teddy bear or the little spoon. Feels warm, cozy and very good. What now? This is way too comfortable.   
I lay like this for an hour before I know what to do. This was a one time thing, I'm sure of it. Well I keep telling that to myself. I loose myself from the embracement, get out of bed and take a shower. Oh and I won't go back in the room protected only by a towel. I don't have that kind of courage.  
Dean doesn't say anything while we check out, ho back to Baby and drive away. He doesn't talk for a long time. At least we have good music.  
"Did you sleep well?" He breaks his silence after a feeled eternity.  
"Yes, I did. You?"  
"Like a baby. I didn't kick you or something?"  
"Not that I recall. What about you?"  
"Nah, everything was fine." Is he stalling? Interesting. Does he remember that he spooned me? Not sure but I'm damn sure I won't be the one to mention it!  
Our drive continues. At least we are talking from time to time.


	16. Vacation

We reach our final destination as planned. Our room is exactly like we ordered it, perfect. Two big sized beds, which look very comfy, a sofa with TV access and lots of windows.  
Dean puts his stuff, only has two duffle bags, on one bed. Means I take the other one. I wanted that one anyways. It's closer to a window. The view is just amazing.  
After unpacking everything it's already evening. Dean and I agree to have dinner at the hotel restaurant. We find a table for two.  
A young beautiful waitresses takes our orders. Dean orders burgers with fries of course. That earns him a strange look from the waitress. She probably expected something more expensive, she knows we have all in.  
The menu looks great. I go for something I didn't have in a long time. Steak, baked potato and vegetables. The waitress looks a lot more satisfied.  
While we wait for our food, I think this is the best times to put some truths on the table. I start harmless though.  
"How was your week Dean?"  
"My week was filled with hard work on a lot of cars but it was a good week. How was yours Cas?"  
"Too long. Oh and my ex came by yesterday." He flinches. Ha!  
What do you mean? What ex?" His full attention is on me,it's almost too much.  
"We broke up over five years ago. We weren't in contact. Yesterday she simply cam in to renew her license, ended up at my desk."  
"Oh. How was that for you?"  
"First I was surprised. Then I figured she didn't matter to me anymore. Not after what she did, not after all the time. I knew for sure it was over."  
"Cas, please tell me the full story."  
"Okay, just try to not judge me." I can't wish for more.  
"Never!"  
Our food arrives. Half of our dinner goes down with the tale of my past. Dean listens to every word. It's good to be able to share this with him. Dean always flinches a little at the word 'she', as if that word is personally attacking him. After I finished I catch him calming himself.  
"I'm sorry this happened to you Cas. You don't deserve anything like that."  
"Yeah. I really thought she was the love of my life. And despite that I'm bisexual I would've been happy with her for the rest of my life." Nicely done Cas. I give myself an imaginary pat on the shoulder. Pretty proud how I fetched this particular information in. I'm sure Dean heard me, I see his pubils dilating the moment he realizes what I just said. "What about you Dean? I'm sure you have a past too."  
The waitress shows up in that exact moment to ask if everything is alright.  
"Yes, thank you." We say unisono. We look at each other, Dean smiles, I do my normal half smile.  
After she left Dean continues our conversation.  
"Yes Cas, I have a past. I'd like to share it with you like you shared yours with me."  
There he goes, chewing down fries and burger, telling me the story of his long term relationship with a girl that treated him like garbage. I feel how I get mad at her for always complaining, for not accepting Dean as who he was. I get mad at her for cheating on Dean with his best friend, even get mad at his best friend. I only calm down when I hear how young both were. Still this must've screwed really bad with Dean's self esteem. No wonder he uses cockiness so much. I also understand we have more in common than either of us realized.  
His story takes the rest of our meal. The waitress comes, asked if we liked our food and if we wish to have dessert.  
"Pie!" Dean sounds very excited.  
"I'd like to have vanilla ice cream with hot cherries please."  
She writes everything down and leaves.  
"Ice cream with hit fruits? Nice choice Cas."  
"She didn't ask what kind of pie you'd like. Why didn't you say anything?"  
"I don't care what flavor, it's pie!"  
"Ahhh, you really like pie?"  
"Yes I do."  
A few minutes later the waitress brings our desserts. Both look delicious.  
"Hey Cas, may I try some of your ice cream, it looks really nice." Dean's pie looks also very inviting.   
"Of course Dean, I'd like to try your pie if that's alright?"  
"Yeah. Come on Cas, share a spoon."  
He can't mean what I think he means. His eyes are on my spoon, he doesn't say another word, just sits there and waits for something to happen. I realize he did mean what I thought. He wants me to feed him, like we were a real couple. I'm way beyond falling for that man. I don't hesitate any longer, fill.my spoon with a nice amount of ice and fruit and bring it to his well formed lips. He parts them to let my spoon in. This motion alone makes me ache for more, so much more.  
"Hmmm" he humms.  
Good lord. How might he sound doing way more pleasing things?  
After he is finished testing my ice I wonder if he would feed me too. I don't need to wonder long. His spoon full of cherry pie moves closer to my mouth in the moment I have my own spoon back on my plate. I also part my lips, take in his spoon full of sweet cherry pie. That is the best pie i ever had, so good, my eyes close for a moment. I don't need to say anything he already assumes that I like the taste.  
Am i imagining this? Or does he act more intimate lately?  
After finishing our desserts we treat ourselves with a nice glass of Champaign, all in is great!  
The waitress Carrie's away our empty glasses while we stand up. Both of us thank her for her good service.  
Back at our room, we are very tired after the long drive, we simply brush our teeth and put on our pyjamas.  
"This was a great idea Cas, I really need a vacation."  
"Me too Dean."  
We stand very close to each other. I can't help myself, I pull dean in for a good-night-hug. He embraces like always and when I end the hug his hand gently streaks over my cheek. Neither of us says a word.  
A moment later he seems to notice what his hand is doing. It's like a lightning strikes him, he pulls his hand away, goes in his bed and hides most of his body under his blanket.  
This was incredibly hot! Though I shrug it away, won't for him to anything.  
As I lay in my bed, trying to relax, trying not to make too much out of that cheek streaking I hear him ask.  
"Ehm Cas, are you in any kind of romantic relationship at the moment?"  
I already wondered when one of us would have the courage to ask.  
"No, not in the last five years. Only flings, meaningless sex, you know. You?"  
"Same." I'm relieved.  
"After ending things with HER, I wasn't ready for something permanent. I get what you mean by meaningless sex. I didn't even care who it was or what gender. I think I did it to forget."  
Ohhh. Wait? What does he mean 'didn't care what gender'? Shall I ask? Well I stated earlier I was bisexual, so me asking him now wouldn't be a big deal right? Sadly I chicken out.  
We are silent for some moments. Seems like I'm not the only chicken here. Moving on, we have a whole week together, no need to rush things now.  
"Thanks for the nice evening Dean. Sleep well, good night."  
"Good night Cas." His disappointment is touchable.


	17. Beach

My bed feels too big too empty when I wake up. I can't forget how I shared a bed with Cas, can't forget how i woke up in the middle of the night spooning him. What a great feeling! Though I'll never admit that, I'm not a wuss.  
I was kinda sad after falling asleep again waking up alone, hearing him taking a shower. He probably didn't notice. Good.  
I came close to kiss Cas yesterday. After talking about our pasts, Cas letting slip he is big, like me, the hug he pulled me into. I couldn't stop my hand from gently touching his cheek. He didn't even flinch, his big eyes stared at me. I had to stop,to hide the obvious evidence of how much I liked touching his skin, even if it was just his face. He doesn't know but I saw him shrug.  
After i laying in bed with silence that felt like three thousand years, i needed to know. Couldn't wait any longer. I was relieved to hear that he is free. He seemed to feel the same relief when I told him I'm free too. Also I was less obvious about my sexual orientation but he for sure got it.  
I still haven't told him what happened the week after I snapped at him. Sure we aren't a couple or anything but maybe I should tell him. I feel like I owe him. As if he has a right to know what a stupid son of a bitch I was.  
Now I still lay here, sun is slowly rising, I hear Cas quietly snorting. It's a cute snore, like purring of a cat. What a cutie! He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. His blanket, a hot mess, squeezed between his legs. It's warm in here. His pyjama covers most of his features but I'm sure he has a great body. Oh I hope I get to see that soon. We are at a beach! Jeez! Would be weird if he didn't bring swimwear. I wonder if he wears briefs, tight pants or the saggy boxers for swimming. Usually I'm not for briefs but on him I think I'd enjoy them.  
I'm still checking out Cas, should stop before he wakes up. I get up, follow the call of nature, take a shower and brush my teeth. This time I leave the bath fully clothed.  
Though the look on Cas' face when I onlu had the towel was priceless. He totally checked me out and was liking what he saw. His eyes were almost black. I think he forgot to breath. What a rush that was.  
Cas is already awake waiting for me to come out.  
"Morning Cas."  
"Hello Dean." God, this never gets old.  
"Did you sleep well?"  
"Yes, the bed is very comfy Dean. What about you?"  
Not a word about the emptiness I felt. Hell no! Suppress. Fuck!  
"Like a baby." Yeah right.  
He knows I'm not telling the full truth, it's written on his face. The way he puts his eyes to thin rifts of piercing blue, the way his damn eyebrow of doom rises. For a guy who u8shows so little expressions it's quite impressive what his face does without him even realizing. When I see him this way i can't understand why anyone would even be cap6of hurting this cute bean. My bean, I hope. Though not that long ago I did hurt him too.  
Suddenly I wish Sam would be here. He would definitely clear his throat to shift the tension that is in the room. He doesn't like playing third wheel but he always does it. Also I know he cares for Cas. He was very supp when I told him what hap6whe I snapped. He washed my head and set me straight. Ha! Not that straight.  
I break the staring first, I always do, can't hold up against those sapphire diamonds piercing right into my soul. I look anywhere else than him, pretty sure he is still staring at me.  
"How about some breakfast and then we take a look at the beach?" Smooth dean. Cas shows his usual half smile and I'm already a sucker for it.  
"Sounds like a good plan. Maybe we can go swimming too, no sharks this time of the year."  
He googled that? Man, he really prepared for our trip. I didn't even think of sharks. Hell, as long as they don't eat him or me, as long as they don't rain down on me in a tornado, as long as three thousand teeth bite only fish, I'd like to see a real shark. I don't say any of that out loud.  
"Swimming would be nice, yes, haven't done this on years." That's the truth, it's been ages. Last time we went with Bobby, one of the best days we ever had. Shortly after Bobby was taken from us. Accident my ass! Enough with that.  
The hotel offers everything for breakfast, national, international, exotic and weird. Awesome. I'm taking bacon, lots of bacon, scrambled eggs and definitely pancakes with a lot of maple syrup.  
Can't breakfast looks way more healthy than min. At least I spot some bacon on his plate. Breakfast tastes awesome.  
Afterwards we grab some towels from our room and walk over to the beach.  
What a view! "Awesome!"  
"Beautiful beach." Cas is so much better with words.  
He moves his toes in the warm white sand as if he does it for the first time ever.  
"Shall we find a spot?" People are already watching us, we've just been standing here for like ten minutes, I don't like that. I bet they judge us for being two guys. Pffft, who gives a shit? Not me, not anymore. I've learned that people just like to judge.  
Cas nods while I already found the perfect spot for us. Under a single palm tree, little bit of shadow, lots of sun and not far from the water.  
"This place is perfect Dean, well chosen."  
"Right?"  
We make ourselves at home with the towels and, holy shit!, Cas undresses himself. First the shirt. Angels in heaven help me! Tanned tight skin, perfect amount of muscle, a slight six pack, defined biceps, manly chest with little hair and a thin hairline starting under the bellybutton moving all the way down in his Jeans. This was worth the wait.  
What was I doing again? Right, undressing myself.  
Again Cas looks thirsty at me. I like that I have that effect on him. I'm kinda disappointed that he wear the saggy-boxer-swimpants version. Though even his legs are sexy.  
I'm sure he noticed my bowlegs already, now all blank they show all their glory. I also went for the saggy boxer swim pants.  
After warming up in the sun for a while we decide to try out the water. I know I walk way too close to Cas again but i can't do anything about it. Near him i loose any concept of personal space what so ever.  
The water is warmer than expected, it's the ocean after all, usually dick-freezing cold. Not here, not today. It's easy to jump in the soft waves.  
We have fun playing catch and diving games. Cas is an excellent swimmer, even better than me. We totally forget the time. Only when the sun begins to sink we walk back to our towels.  
Cas sits on his towel and watches the sun slowly disappearing in the water. I'm sitting next to him. Damn, never was a sundown more beautiful like this one with Cas by my side. I don't even notice me shifting closer and closer into his personal space until our naked shoulders touch. He doesn't say a word nor does he shriek or flinch..as if this was the most normal thing. That gives me courage. My hand wanders over to his and carefully grabs it. We sit like that, like damn vintage girls, handholding like twelve year olds, we sit like that till.the sun is gone and the first stars are showing. It's not even cold yet. It will be soon. Time to let go of his hand and dress up. Takes me reluctantly five minutes to do so but I manage.  
"Dinner?" I ask.  
"Dinner."


	18. Sights

More perfect can't a day go. Okay maybe with waking up next to Dean. That surely would improve things. I kinda missed the spooning. Otherwise the day was perfect.  
Dean, sitting so close to me that our shoulders touch, holding my hand while we watch the sundown was so ridiculous romantic.  
Back at the hotel we don't have the same table in the restaurant as yesterday but the same waitress.  
"Good evening boys, how was your first day?"  
"Sweatheart it was great, thanks."  
She smiles at Dean and me. "What can I bring you today?"  
This time Dean let's me order first. After a long day at the beach I'm hungry like a bear. I need something with meat.  
"I'd like to have the big t-bone, medium, rice with tomato sauce and fried beans."  
"Oh, we are hungry today."  
"You have no idea." I wink at her.  
Dean chokes on his water.  
"Oh Sir, are you alright?"  
He caughs two times and when he answers his voice sounds rough. "Yeah I'm fine, just wrong pipe." He smiles at her again.  
"Okay Sir. What would you like to eat?"  
"Pizza would be nice. If you have, tuna with onions."  
"Yeah no big deal." She writes our order on her never ending paper stack. "I'll bring your food as fast as I can. Enjoy your stay boys." She winks at both of us. She does a really good job. Hopefully she'll be our waitress for the whole week.  
While we wait for our food we talk about anything and everything. Dean is a great conservation partner. It's easy to talk with him. And the moments we spend in silence are not uncomfortable, not even awkward. Not like one knows they are supposed to talk but have no idea hoe to start or what to talk about. It's more like we've known each other since the day we were born.  
Hands full with our plates the waitress walks to our table, serves us the plates, new drinks, no water and wishes us a good meal. My stomach agrees in roaring very loud. Dean laughs, the waitress can't help it and chuckles, my face feels hot. I'm sure it looks like a tomato right now. She leaves us with a smile. I think she likes us.  
Dean raises his glass, red wine, and makes a toast. "To the best week in a long time."  
I also raise my glass, repeat Dean's words and add "to the future". Dean's smile is wide.  
Our glasses cling and we both take a sip. I'm not so into wine but this one is very smooth, easy going, a fine one.  
"Good wine." Says Dean as if he read my mind.  
The food is delicious. As soon as we both finished our meal the waitress is at our table. "All good?"  
"All good." Says Dean.  
"Dessert for you boys?"  
"Hell yeah!"  
I'm sure I know what Dean wants. Me on the other hand, I feel adventurous. "Yes please."  
"Pie and ice cream again?"  
Dean answers first. "Different flavor?"  
"Yes Sir, it's apple pie today."  
"Great! I'm Dean by the way, this is Cas."  
Dean really doesn't like the 'Sir' I remember.  
Our waitress smiles. "My name is Claire."  
"Nice to meet you Claire."  
"So, uh, Cas?"  
"Yes?"  
"The same as yesterday?"  
"No, I feel adventurous. I'd like to try the tiramisu."  
"You'll love it. It's really good. Good choice, both of you. I'll bring your desserts in a few minutes. Excuse me please." We nod and she walks away.  
"What a nice lady."  
"Right? We are so lucky with her. She's the only waitress in here that doesn't have a judgemental look on her face."  
I didn't notice that. Dean must've had some bad experiences when he was with a dude.  
"Did people often judge you?"  
"Very often. Didn't happen to you?"  
Again a moment for truth.  
"Well, I told you I'm big right? But I've actually never been with a guy." Cat's out.  
"Oh. How to do you know you are big?"  
"Because me not being with a guy is not for my lack of trying. I tried, a lot, flirting with guys. Sadly it seems like I suck at it. They never flirted back. Or I just chose the wrong guys" i shrug "but yeah, I'm definitely bi".  
Dean's wonderful dimples show. "To be honest, it's their loss and my gain. Who was so dumb not to go for it with you didn't deserve your efforts." His smug smile is back.  
Damn, he always knows how to make me blush. I'm sure that's the reason my face burns like fire for the second time this evening alone. And the son of a bitch is enjoying it, that's obvious.  
"Uhm thanks? I guess." I'm really not sure how to react to things like that.  
"You are welcome."  
Man, did he kill someone? Cause he owns this, like a boss.  
Gladly Clair is back with our desserts.  
"Dude, you'll let me taste again right?" Dean asks after Claire left.  
"Of course Dean. Same as yesterday?" I wink at him, using Clairs phrase.  
He chocked agian. Hehehe. Two can play the smug game. He catches himself fast, chuckles and nods. I think he doesn't trust his voice right now. Adorable.  
The apple pie is very well done. Dean compliments me on my choice. The tiramisu is perfect. We empty the whole bottle of wine while eating, talking and enjoying ourselves. An almost perfect evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Others notice how cute Dean and Cas are together.


	19. Afterglow

After all that wine I feel a little tipsy and according to Dean's cheeks he is too. They are a little pinkish, like he is close to being drunk, but only almost. It's cute.  
Halfway back to our room, I must be very tipsy to notice just now, I realize Dean and are holding hands again, like we did on the beach. When did that happen?  
I'm in a happy place, I don't mind, think I never will.  
We keep holding hands till we need to part for getting ready to sleep. Which means tooth brushing and clothing in pyjamas. There is no need to do it separately anymore, not after seeing each other in swimwear.  
Afterwards Dean pulls me in for a hug.  
"Thanks for today Cas."  
His hot breath gently streaks over my skin. He is holding me tight, way longer than ever before, his head resting on my shoulder, my chin resting on his.  
"I had a great day too Dean, thanks."   
I feel he is smiling into my shoulder. Hell I don't wanna end that hug.  
We stand like this for about ten minutes, none of us moving a single muscle. The wine might have been to strong, I don't know anymore. All I know is, I love this! I love being so close to Dean and only Dean. I love his way of thinking, love how he handles every single aspect of life, love his personality, which is sometimes goofy but so caring. Though he tries to hide it with being snarky. I even love his cockiness. Fuck, I love everything about him. I love him! The realization hits me hard. I'm in love with Dean fucking Winchester, have been the whole time. Since he walked to my stupid desk so long ago.  
Dean loosens himself from the hug but not completely. His hands rest on my shoulders. Somehow my hands developed a mind of their own, they are clinging into his shirt at the side of his torso. He stares at me, we stares at each other. No one breaks, the mood in our room shifts.  
Dean's pupils are almost fully dilated. Am I wrong or is the space between us getting smaller and smaller? Nope, I'm not imagining this. Our faces do come closer.  
Suddenly it's like twenty degrees warmer in here. My pulse goes so fast, my heart beats hard against my chest. So hard I'm actually scared it might jump out.  
This moment has everything! It's romantic (didn't know Dean was romantic), it's hot and overwhelming. It'll make a great memory.  
Dean is so close now I can count every single freckle. His eyes with a sparkling green are filled with emotion. Do his eyes always sparkle like that?  
Before our nosetips can touch Dean's head turns a little to avoid that. He raises one eyebrow as if he is asking if he should stop. No Sir, no stopping here now. I've waited too long for this. I tighten my grip in his shirt as my answer. My blood already went south but I don't give a shit if it's viable.  
With slowly closing his eyes Dean breaks the staring. His lips softly touch mine. This is everything!  
My eyes follow his example. Damn his lips are so soft! His kisses are light and slow, very careful as if he needs to make sure that this is really happening.  
My lips decide it's time to join. When his lips seem to go away I kiss him back. Obviously encouraged by that his kisses become deeper, tighter and more demanding.  
I get lost in kissing Dean. My kisses also become more deep and my tongue whishes to join the action. A hand streaks through my hair. One of my hands is on.the back of his head gently playing with his hair. When did it get there? This is too much for my tongue, can't hold it back anymore.  
As my lips slightly part for my tongue to explore over to Dean I feel his tongue already exploring mine. A tiny moan slips out of me.  
His tongue, so soft, and mine are dancing around each other, exploring the feelings, the taste, everything.  
Suddenly Dean stops, pulls away from me. Though he doesn't do it very willingly, as if he has to force himself to pull away.  
He smiles softly. "I wanted to do that for a damn long time."  
His smile turns into a shyly one, like he partly expects me to decline what just happened. As if there was even the slightest chance I'd do that.  
"Me too Dean, me too."  
"This was okay for you?"  
What the hell? Who did this to him? Making I'm so insecure?  
"More than okay." I give him a bit more than my usual half smile, just a tad more but I can see it's enough to make him believe me.  
"Uhm, Cas, let's take this very slow okay?"  
Whatever he wants from me. If he wants to take it slow, I'm going to give him that. "Totally okay."  
He isn't done with me yet. I'm sure I know what will come next, I hope I'm right, but I want him to open up, to feel safe to show me what he wants. Never shall he feel insecure again. I wait.  
"I... actually I likes sharing a bed with you. I felt lonely this morning. Would you like to share again? We don't even have to do anything. Just having you in my arms is more than I can wish for."  
I bet that took him a lot. I'm proud of him for admitting how he feels. "You had me at 'sharing a bed'. I hoped you'd say it. I missed you too last night. Yes Dean, I very much like to share a beard with you again."  
We get into his bed. He is turning the light of, his lips already kissing mine. It's a deep desiring tongue tangled kiss. I hear him loosing a moan. Again he pulls away.  
"Good night Cas."  
"Good night Dean." I snuggle myself into his waiting arms smiling like an idiot. All I ever wanted and now I got it. The struggle is finally over, we both want this, we both are on the same page. My last thoughts before I fall asleep are with Dean and how lucky I feel it turned out like this with him.


	20. Truth

I slept better than in a long time. Waking up as the little spoon is a totally new experience for me. I like it.  
I don't remember when we shifted, before I fell asleep I was the big spoon. Though no need to change. Happiness rushes through my veins. I don't remember if I ever felt like this before. My thoughts drift to our first kiss. How did I even manage kissing him? It was a scene worthy of a chick-flick, that's for sure. Me slowly closing the distance between us, raising my eyebrow, wondering if this is really okay, him grabbing right into my pyjama, as to let me know he wants this.  
Then the first touch of our lips. So soft. His lips always look like they need balm. They definitely don't feel like that.  
I vaguely remember cradling his hair and him doing the same.  
Oh the moment our tongues came in, dancing around each other, taking in everything. Holy mother was that hot.  
Pulling away was the hardest thing I ever did. Though it was necessary. I don't want to pressure Cas or rush for anything he might not be ready for. When he told me he has never actually been with a guy I knew I had to take it slow. The first time is the hardest. Not knowing what to expect, what to do, how to touch and so much more. If it's done wrong it could end way too soon.  
Oh I have to tell him what I did the week we didn't talk. Now more than ever. But I also know this won't happen again, not if I can help it, not after I learned what happened in his last relationship. He doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve my shit. FUCK! I don't even deserve him! Still he is here in my bed spooning me purring like a kitten. I thank god, the universe and every higher power I can think of for the gift named Cas.  
Carefully I turn my body towards him to see his beautiful face without waking him up. So peaceful.  
His lips are slightly parted, inviting me to kiss them. Yeah, no more sleep for me, that's for sure.  
Suddenly he opens his damn blue eyes. His usual half smile shows.  
"Hello Dean." I can't hear that often enough.  
"Mornin Cas."  
Now he closes the space between us and his soft full lips kiss me gently. Where did he learn to kiss like that? I have no control over what my mouth is doing, I simply give in. Usually I like being in control all the time but Cas makes me wanna be taken, makes me wanna do everything he could possibly wish for.  
This time he stops our kiss. Both of us breath a bit heavy.  
"How did you sleep Dean?"  
"I slept very well. You?" For once I don't even need to lie. Was it hard to ask for sharing a bed? Yeah! Do I feel like a wuss about it? Hell no! Was it worth it? Fuck yeah! From now on I wanna wake up like this for the rest of my life.  
"I slept fine too, felt good to wake up with you in my arms."  
Shameless! That's what he is. Cas apparently has no filter. He just spits out these things like nothing were to them. Maybe it is like that for him. Maybe I'm the one who is so screwed up to think it's not manly behavior, to think this is something only belonging in chick-flicks or kids movies.  
Cas has the power to make me screw it all, to present my heart in a golden plate for him. It's like a drug but eith no bad side effects.  
My face feels hot after he said that. I'm sure I'm blushing. His half smile grows to an almost full smile. Gosh he looks so good!  
I'll never forget this one time when he fully smiled. I hope to see this again one day.  
It's now or never. Never is definitely not an option, not with Cas. Man up Dean.  
"Cas?"  
"Hmm?"  
I take a deep breath. "There is something I wanna tell you. Maybe it make you mad, maybe you want to end this before it even has really begun, but I feel like you deserve to know. I should've told you already."  
He looks at me curious. "What is it Dean?"  
He is scared, I can see but is still.havinh his arms around me.  
"When I snapped at you, I'm sure you remember, I did a lot of stupid things afterwards."  
"What kind of things?" He is definitely suspicious.  
Oh this will blow, I'm sure, I'm going to loose him. There is no way back now. If I really loose Cas, I'm the one to blame, not him.  
"I almost drank myself to death, had girls every night, never the same girl twice. I didn't even speak to Sam. He was so.damn worried." I tell him everything, the full ugly truth. His eyes grow wide, a suspicious sparkle shining in them. Did I just broke his heart? Great Dean, well done.  
Cas takes a deep breath and one more. I look away. Whatever comes out of those lips, I'll accept it.  
"Thanks for telling Dean. This is a lot to swallow. Though we weren't a couple back then, only staring to become friends. I think I can't hold it against you."  
"What? You can't mean that!"  
"I can and I do. I have just one question. Will you always do that everytime we fight?"   
Is he serious? His face says he is. I look into his deep oceans and know no matter what, something like that doesn't ever belongs on our relationship.  
"No. It won't happen again. One time deal. Don't even know why I did it."  
His eyes lighten up, his half smile is back. "Then there is nothing to worry about." He even kisses me.  
HOW THE FUCK DO I DESERVE HIM?  
"You should've seen Sam's face when I told him."  
This is actually a good memory, cause Sam helped me to make it right with Cas. I smile. "He looked like someone stole his puppy or something." I chuckle.  
"He does have those puppy eyes."  
Cas gets me like no one else, not even Sam.  
"Right? I never could say no to him."  
"I guess I have to thank Sam for us being here like this?"  
He wiggles his eyebrows. Now I have to laugh. Damn he is right.  
"Fuck, you are right. Don't do it though. If you do, I'm never going to hear the end of it."  
Then IT happens! I'm blinded by the sun of Cas' beautiful smile, wide like the ocean, bathing me in the most gorgeous laughter I ever heard. I think my heart skips two beats.  
"My god Cas! You are fucking gorgeous!" The words are faster out than I can think but it's true. He blushes, like a lot and I need to kiss him. Kiss him like he is my anchor, my lifeline, my reason to exist. He is all of that and more. In that moment I know, I just know I'm in love. I love Cas, fucking love Cas! I better not screw that up.


	21. Boyfriend

The vacation goes faster by than one can blink with their eye. We have fun, laugh a lot, enjoy the nearby city, the beach, especially the water and spend every night in one bed. We don't do more than hugging and kissing. He meant it when he said taking it slow. What self control this man has!  
Yes I broke the kiss in the morning that one time just to say 'good morning'. If he hadn't broken the one after his confession, I for sure wouldn't have had any self control.  
His confession was a shock at first. But I meant what I said. This was before we really were a thing. Though I'm glad he told. I bet that wasn't easy for him. I want to gave him.the courage to come out of his shell.  
I laugh more often during our vacation than I laughed in the thirty years before meeting Dean. Everytime I laugh or smile he looks at me like I was pie. He surely loves pie.  
Claire, our waitress, is with us every evening. She seemed to have noticed the shift in our relationship and happy about it. We both give her a huge tip on our last dinner. She almost didn't take it but Dean can be very convincing. She deserves all of it.  
The drive back home goes smoothly.  
Now we stand at my door and I think we both realize that our adventure ends here. That means sleeping alone again, not getting 'good-night-hugs' and kisses, not waking up wrapped around each other. I don't want that! I wish to wake up to his side everyday.  
The hug I get pulled into is overwhelmingly intense, none of us wants to let ge. Tangled in each other our kisses are all that matters. It can't be happening that I won't see him till friday eve.  
Our jobs are so demanding, there is no time to meet during the week. If we lived together this would be so much easier. What am I thinking? We've just kissed on monday, barely a week ago. I'm not thinking about moving in together after less than a week, totally not.... Who am I kidding here? ^^Liar^^ Shut up inner voice!  
I don't notice Dean moving us into my loft, just that there suddenly is a wall on my back, out of the blue.  
My hands wander over ti Dean's back, his hair, his cheeks and his chest to end up grabbing his flannel tight. Dean's hands make a similar movement but don't stop clinging in my shirt, they are all over me.  
His lips leave my mouth. My brain wants to form a question but suddenly there is a new sensation. His lips are gently kissing my neck. Up and down, exploring the way between my ear and collarbone. God my favorite spot to be kissed! How did he know?  
He even adds his tongue to his kisses, carefully petting me skin. My brain is mush and, oh yeah, my blood is pumping somewhere more downstairs. I hear myself moan.  
That man deserves a medal for his self control! He simply stops kissing my neck, loosens himself from the hug and steps back a little. I see that this was very hard for him. Ha! Not the only hard thing here.  
"Thanks for the great week Cas." He says more out of breath than his words imply. I'm not sure if my voice is trustworthy, I'm only slowly finding back to reality.  
"Thank you to Dean."  
"When will I see you again?"  
"I hate to say it, not before Friday eve I'm afraid."  
"Damn that's long." He looks like he is thinking. "Actually my schedule is also very filled. Friday eve it is. Could we meet here, at your place?"  
Oh I like where this is going. "Yeah, we could rent a movie, have a sleepover and breakfast together or something."  
"Sounds awesome. We'll text every day?"  
"Of course we will!"  
"Great! Waiting for your texts 'boyfriend'."  
Oh! He called me his boyfriend. "I like the sound of that. Yes 'boyfriend', I'll text you."  
To round this all up and to tease him a little I present him my widest smile. His eyes grow big and round.  
"Oh Cas!"  
He is faster on my lips than I can react. I'm pushed against the wall and he is all over me. That was the reason I did the smile, ti get him to do stuff like this.  
His self control gets really annoying now, he cuts this short. Sadly.  
He streaks over my cheek, looks me in the eye "See you on Friday Cas."  
"See you on Friday Dean."  
Before I can close the new distance he turned around, walks through the door, turns to me, throws me a kiss and waves goodbye. I wave back.

A few hours later I sit on my couch with nice tea and watch a movie. Something with a lot of action, though I'm not really paying attention. I recieve a text from Sam.  
'I'm proud of you Cas! Thanks for doing whatever you did with Dean. Haven't seen him this happy for a long time. He told me you guys are a thing now. Just so you know, I'm totally fine with it. I'm happy for you guys. If you hurt him you're dead *winking emoji. Sam.'  
What am I supposed to say to that?  
'Hey Sam. Thanks for accepting this. Should I ever hurt him, I'll buy the gun for you! *three winking emojis* Cas.'  
He answers with a lot of laughing emojis. Yepp I answered right.  
Before I lay my head to sleep, I send a text to Dean.  
'Hello Dean. I wish you nice dreams and a goodnight sleep. Kisses Cas. Ps. Already missing you.'  
He replies five seconds later. 'Yo Cas! Same for you. Miss you too. Kisses Dean. Ps can't wait for Friday.'  
That makes me smile.  
I lay awake long this night. My bed feels empty, cold and lonely. Got so used to Dean's warmth, his closeness, his careful touches when he wrapped me in and his lips kissing me 'goodnight'. In short I miss Dean. I miss my boyfriend. I say the word out loud again, just to feel how it rolls of my tongue nothing weird about it. I expected it would be at least a little odd to call a man my boyfriend, I've never done it before. But it feels natural. I mumble "my boyfriend Dean" over and over again till I finally fall asleep.


	22. Home

We text each other as often as we can. It's not the same as seeing each other but it has to do for now. I miss Dean so very much. I can barely concentrate on my job. It's worse in the evenings when I'm home in my bed, alone. My longing for him reaches the highest point in that moment.  
Our 'goodnight' texts help a little but only so far.  
Somehow I make it to Friday. I planned a little surprise for Dean, decided to cook him.dinner and some other stuff.  
He usually goes for burge, pizza or other very healthy stuff like that. Not today. I'm going to make him my favorite food, hoping he likes it. Of course I have pie for dessert, selfmade pie actually. I also cleaned my loft. Cleaned it like the Queen would be my guest. Hell Dean is the Queen, my King. My loft wasn't even that clean when I moved in.  
Our dinner is in the oven getting ready. I bought a bottle of whiskey and a six pack beer. The beer is cooling in the fridge, nothing worse than warm beer.  
Five minutes before seven my bell rings. Punctual as always. I open the door and land faster in Dean's wide open arms than humanily possible. He closes his strong arms around me.  
Since he is a little taller than me I look up to him, close the last distance between us and kiss him. Gosh I missed him so much. If his kisses imply anything he missed me too. After a minute or so we end our kiss.  
"Hello Dean."  
He chuckles. "Dont ever change Cas." He said that before.  
"It's good to see you."  
"Oh I missed you Cas."  
"Missed you too. Please come in."  
He looks around and I realize for him this is the first time he is able to really take it all in.  
"You have a great place Cas, so much space."  
"Your place is nice too."  
He just humms.  
"Why don't you take a seat ag the table Dean? Dinner will be ready shortly."  
"You've cooked dinner? For me?"  
"Yes, I wanted to do something nice for you. Excuse me for a minute, I'm needed in the kitchen."  
I get two beers out of the fridge, open them, grab the whiskey and carry all to the table. I fill Dean's glass with the whiskey.  
"Oh. Thanks Cas."  
I simply smile.  
When I return to the kitchen the time has come for getting our dinner out of the oven. The lasagna smells like heaven. I'm pretty proud of my lasagna, only use fresh ingredients, as less fat as possible and only the best cheese available. My lasagna is light, it won't sit heavy on ones stomach and it fills one quite good. No one who ever tasted my lasagna had something to complain. Hopefully Dean will like it too.  
I fill two plates with a respectable amount of hot lasagna,.take a deep breath, the hour of truth, leave the kitchen and place the plates on the table  
"This smells very good Cas and looks very delicious. I like lasagna, like it very much. Did you know?"  
"You do? No I didn't, I simply wanted to share my favorite food with you. I'm glad you like lasagna, hopefully mine will taste well."  
"I bet it does. You made it!"  
He is such a good boyfriend. I feel myself blush.  
While insist down I notice my glass is also filled with whiskey.  
"Oh thanks."  
"You totally forgot your own glass. Claire would teach you a lesson." He chuckles.  
"She totally would." We both chuckle.  
We raise our glasses.  
"Too a good evening."  
"Too a good evening."  
The glasses cling, we take a sip. The whiskey only burns a little, I took the more expensive one. I haven't had whiskey since my drinking escapade five years ago I think.  
Dean takes his first bite gently blowing on his fork to cool the lasagna before eating.  
Whish he'd use this energy somewhere else. Where are my thoughts? Not at the dinner table Cas!  
Dean chums his bite and humms during his swallows. "It's perfect Cas, I love it! Well done Babe." My eyes must've out for the pet name he just gave me. "Ooops. That just slipped out."  
"I like it." I'm almost yelling it from the roof. Dean called me 'Babe' and I want to tell the whole world.  
"Your lasagna is actually the best I ever had."  
"Really? You are too good to me."  
"I dont give credits out of the goodness of my heart, you know. If I say it's the best, it is the best." Dean really means it. He likes my lasagna, what a relief. I'm realizing how important Dean's approval really was to me.  
"Thank you Dean, I appreciate that."  
"Come on now! You should eat too. Dive in!"  
We eat every single bit of the lasagna. That's the biggest compliment one can get. After we finished our last bite I wiggle my eyebrows. "Dessrt honey?"  
Dean swallows hard. "Dessrt would be nice, thanks."  
"I'll be right back."  
I get up, take both plates and start moving to the kitchen.  
"I'll just wait here then."  
I almost trip! I hear him chuckle. He has heard it! So long time ago in the cinema. The son of a bitch never said a word! He just waited for the perfect opportunity to throw it back at me! Bastard! I love him even more!  
Still I can't believe it. I shake my head in the kitchen, put the dirty plates in the dishwasher, get out nice plates for dessert and prepare them with our desserts. I found an apple pie recipe online. It was easy to make. The pie looks pretty nice, only the best for Dean. I made mousse au chocolate for myself.  
Dean looks with big eyes at me as I place his pie infront of him.  
"You made me pie?"  
"Yes, found the how to online."  
"Thank you Cas."  
"You are welcome. Now enjoy your pie."  
"Oh I will, though I'd like.to taste your mousse too. Shall we?"  
"Oh yes! Reminds me on our vacation."  
He's just smiling, feeding me a part of his pie. I'm astonished how it is. Didn't expect it to turn out well.   
Afterwards he gets fed with a big spoon mousse au chocolate.  
"It's good, the mousse I mean. The pie is awesome. Love that you chose apple pie."  
My chest swells with pride. The evening is going perfect.  
Drinking beer, eating desserts and a occasional sip of whiskey we finish our dinner.  
Dean helps me clean up the table, puts his things in the dishwasher and takes two brand new beers out of the fridge.  
"Are we going to watch a movie?"  
"Yes, I thought it would be nice to watch a movie together on my couch."  
"What movie?" He asks curiously.  
I'm so nervous, fearing that I chose something he doesn't like. "2012" My voice sounds very uncertain.  
"Good choice, bring it!"  
He takes our beers, walks to the couch, sits down and gets comfy. As I'd this is already his home.  
My part is to get the movie started and to simply sit down next to him. This feels right, feels like all tiles fell into their places.


	23. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets a little graphic now, fair warning!

Soon after the movie started Dean's arm is around me. I snuggle with his side, barely watching. While some humans sneak into a forbidden area and find a dead dear I can't hold back, I need to feel Dean. I kiss his cheek. Dean's free hand comes to my face and caresses me.  
While the humans get arrested Dean cups my face, moves my head carefully towards him and places a soft kiss on my lips.  
It's not enough's, I need more, I want more, I'm ready for more. I dont care that we just got together, don't care that I've never done this before with a man. I was ready the moment I laid my eyes on him.  
Dean is still holding back trying to take it slow. So carefull! Let's see how long he can hold up. My lips smile against his.  
"What's so funny babe?" His voice sounds barely there, heavy with hidden feelings.  
"Nothing funny, I'm just glad to see you and to touch you again." I must have lost my shyness somewhere, that's for sure.  
"I feel the same." He admits.  
Again a soft kiss on my lips and on my forehead.  
He is gently pushing me away but still holding me in his arms.  
I have enough of slow! Screw slow! I want him! Yesterday!  
Though I won't pressure him. It's not enough that I want Tim he has to be on board. Fine! I stop trying for the next few minutes.  
The dude in the movie just reserved a plane, drives over to his ex, her boyfriend and the kids. He yells at them to leave the house. Arnold Schwarzenegger is on their screen advising people not to panic. Dude is still yelling, panicking. Then the earth starts shaking. While they drive for their life though a ridiculous amount of obstacles Dean is fondling with my hair.  
I have my hand on his chest not remembering when or how it got there and caress his chest muscles. A short look on his face shows me that he is trying very hard to concentrate on the movie. >>Good luck with that<< I think.  
I place my lips on his cheek kissing and wandering to his neck. Maybe he likes it the same way I do. Encouraged now I place soft kisses all over his neck. From ear to collarbone..his skin tastes like a summerbreeze. My tongue has a will of it's own, gently licking his neck inbetween my kisses. Dean can't hold back a tiny moan. I love to hear that sound. I totally black out my surroundings for some time, Dean just tastes too good and his little moans won't stop.  
When I'm back the movie is a bit further along. A Volcano just exploded and the heroes of our story try to escape the ash-cloud in their tiny plane. As they figured out where they have to go the scene switches to some airport. I've seen that movie so often, I can quote it by heart. But today is not about the movie, totally not.  
Kissing and licking Dean's neck, him not stopping me, his fingers still playing with my hair, more please more.   
While I keep up the kiss-lick-mix on his neck I move myself on his lap. Halfway I expect him trying to stop this but he doesn't. I wrap my legs on his sides. He even moves forward to let them fully wrap him. So good.  
My kisses get deeper, turn into soft sucking, while my hands are streaking his chest and play with his hair. My sucks will probably leave a mark. Good! He is mine! Everyone needs to know!  
I feel a hand petting my back, another cupping my chin. He gently pulls me away from his neck just to look me in the eye.  
"Kiss me Cas." His eyes look like fresh grass.  
Following his wish I place a soft kiss on his lips. His hand on the back of my head pushes me closer carefully, as to make sure I keep kissing him. Oh this is good!  
One soft kiss turns into lots, turn into deep tongue full wanting kisses. Our hands are exploring each other where they can. One of his hands is streaking over my chest down to my belly and wandering along the line of my Jeans. My jeans feels already too tight around a certain area. I'm sure if I'd take a look I'd see his bulge too.  
I need more, need to feel his skin, to touch and kiss it. I open the buttons if his flannel. Goodness why does this take so long? Finally they all are open. I relieve Dean from the flannel. My shirt is pulled over my head.  
He has another fucking layer know him while I'm bare chest now.  
"Oh Cas, so hot!" I hear him say.  
Unfair! No way he gets to see me and I don't see him! I pull his second layer over his head and throw it away. I know I've seen this before, but not in that context. It does something with me.  
"You're perfect Dean." I whisper.  
Before anything else I have his lips in mine again. Our hands now explore the exposed skin. This sends shivers through my whole body. Dean feels so good. All of it feels damn good.  
Dean's skin is soft under my hands, so soft, inwant to kiss all of it. My kisses on his lips come to an end.  
I kiss, lick and suck down his neck, don't stop at his collarbone, placing kisses over his chest, avoiding his two special areas, for now. Soon. The taste is sensational.  
My hands do what they want, petting his head and supporting my mouth. My finger slips over one of his nipples. Dsmn he is so ready for this. His hardened nipple is all.the proof I need.  
Caressing with my finger is not nearly enough, I wanna feel, really feel him, taste him. My lips carefully move over, leaving a trail of kisses on his bare skin.  
First I'm softly kissing only the area around his nipple. I hear myself moan. Damn soft! My tongue gently licks around his nipple. When I finally taste it, it's the softest taste ever. His hard nipple tastes so sweet. I'm licking, kissing and gently sucking it.  
"Oh lord Cas!"  
I smile against his nipple, loving the power I have right now. I've waited so long for this.  
Dwelling in the sensation of tasting Dean I almost loose myself.  
"Please kiss me Cas."  
Oh I'm happy to fulfill his wish again but not so fast. My lips move upwards, very slowly, kissing every inch they pass till they find their way to Dean's mouth.  
While a passionately kiss my Dean I'm being carefully moved down on my back. My hands still explore Dean's skin, first his chest, moving over to his back, retourn to his chest and softly streaking the line where his jeans sits. Dean kisses my lips, his tongue dancing the tango with mine. He is wandering to my neck, kissing and gently sucking like I did before.  
Being the receiver is something completely different! He doesn't stop there.  
Oh yes please, do what I did. "Oh yes!" I try to encourage him.  
His finger shortly passes my nipple. Damn I want more. To encourage him even more I press him closer to me.  
When his lips finally find one of my nipples my whole body shudders, I get goosebumps. "So good Dean." I don't know if he needs to hear that. To confirmnmy words I let my hands wander from his back down to his still clothed ass and grab it tight.  
"Shit Cas!"  
Although he is stopped clothed his ass feels pretty good. Catching myself thinking how it might feel without the disturbing clothing.  
"More! Dean i want more." I whisper between moans.  
Whatever he is doing with his tongue to my nipples sets my blood on fire.  
"You sure Cas? Don't wanna push you into this."  
"Very sure, I've been sure since the first time you kissed me. I want this. Dean i want you." It's the truth   
"Tell me how much you want me babe, tell me.what you need."  
As if I waited for him to command me i blab out. "So much Dean. I want you, all of you, every aspect of you. I want to feel you. I want yo taste you, every taste there is. Oh Dean. I need to feel you deep inside of me. Please." He doesn't need to hear more. He allows my hands to fumble open his Jeans while he opens mine. I pull his Jeans down first and his feet push it away. My Jeans gets pulled away next. He kisses me again, looks all over me and sinks back to caressing my nipples with his tongue.   
I catch a glimpse of his dark pants and shudder of the tightness. >>Well build<< That's the best description for what I can see. Doesn't do him justice.  
Need to touch him! My hands fin his well formed ass again, gripping tight for a moment and move to the front. I fondle a few moments above the pant-line.  
Dean moans. "Cas."  
Love to hear him call my name. I streak over the thin layer of clothing, hardened flesh underneath. He is so big! Lord, can't wait to see, to feel him. I can't stop myself from relieving him of the pants. He let's me throw it away. Between his kisses I just get a glimpse of his gloriness.  
"Dean!" It comes out more begging than I anticipated but I don't care. I want him, now!  
He pulls away my pants. "So ready for me Cas?"  
"Hell fuck yeah!"  
"Uhh, I love when you use dirty words. Fuck Cas, you're hot!"  
His dirty talk does things to me I can't even start to name.  
Dean places his lips on mine. Our hands gently streak over the body of the other, slightly touching each others balls and ending up exploring the others very hardened erection. It feels so good I almost come here and now. I can feel Dean is close too.  
"I want you inside of me. Now!"  
"Patience Cas, if I do that, I'd hurt you. We don't want that. Please tell me you have lube somewhere around here."  
Of course I have, was the first thing I bought when we got back from.the vacation.  
"Tabledrawer"  
Dean chuckles a little. "Always prepared babe."  
While he is still touching my skin with one hand I hear him opening the drawer. His hand goes away. I take a look. He has the lube, opens it, pushes some out and runs it on his fingers. His lips come back to mine, hot kisses distracting me from what he is about to do. I feel a finger, just one, carefully exploring my entrance, rubbing on the lube.  
"Feels very good." I say in his kisses.  
Now this one finger slowly slides in and out, surprisingly there is no pain, in and out, gently widening me bit by bit. Soon it's two fingers. Still no pain, not even a bit. It just feels damn good. A third finger joines. He stops kissing for a hot second.  
"Impressive Cas, you do so good. I didn't expect that. You are ready, so ready for me."   
To prove his point I raise my legs and spread them.to make room and pull him into a deep kiss.  
Finally he gently pushes himself in.  
"You okay Cas?"  
"I'm fine, just fine, more than fine. Keep going."  
He doesn't ask again. No holding back anymore. Feeling him thrusting, pushing deeper and deeper is the best feeling ever. Then he hits the holy grail.  
"Oh my lord! Dean!" I moan out.  
While he is thrusting, coming closer to his climax he keeps massaging my twitching erection. I'm close damn close.  
"Don't stop please."  
"Not a chance Cas."  
His thrusts get faster, he keeps hitting that one spot. I wanna explode.  
"Come for me Cas!"  
I tried to hold on a bit longer but him moaning the words is all that I need. My ammunition shoots all over the place. Dwan is massaging me through my climax. It's wonderful.  
Shortly after he follows and I feel his load pushing into me. Warm and soft. His head sinks down on my chest, still gently streaking me.  
"I needed that. Thanks Cas."  
He looks me in the eye, smiling fondly at me.  
"I have to thank you. That was amazing."  
I try to mirror his smile and he kisses me full of passion. A slight sound pulls us back to reality.  
"Oh right, there was something." Dwan says with a smile. I chuckle. We totally forgot the movie which is rolling credits now.


	24. Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be aware, still a little graphic. Graphics stop at 26.

So much for taking it slow. But Cas was ready, really ready. Can't believe that it was his first time. He knew exactly what he wanted. That was fucking hot!  
I want to repeat that very soon. Though next time he needs to be inside of me. I want to try everything.  
We clean ourselves afterwards, turn out the TV and get ready for bed. How much I have missed sharing a bed with him. Now, after this, I don't want to miss it ever again.  
We spend the whole weekend tangled in each other, kissing and HOLY SHIT! having him inside of me makes me come quicker than anything else.  
He learns pretty fast, doesn't need any direction from me.  
We try a lot of the things we both wanted to try, not everything though.  
One time I simply take our erections in my hand and streak us till we both come. Cas is a freaking aphrodisia, can't get enough of Cas. No way I'm going back on sunday eve. At least not for long, I need some stuff like new clothes.  
Sunday comes way too fast. I really need to stay. I should ask Cas though. A dude can't simply move in with another dude without asking.  
During a nice breakfast I pull together all the courage I can find.  
"So uhm Cas, Sunday huh?" Very smooth. Why is this so hard? It wasn't like that when I was with her. Maybe that's why I'm scared now. He could push me away.  
"Yes it's Sunday. Our weekend ends way too quickly."  
"Right." I wish he'd ask me to stay. I can read on his face that he wants to but apparently this is up to me. I noticed a while ago that he likes when I tell him what I want, how I feel. I never had the chance to be open like that with someone else, I never wanted it. With Cas everything is different. He encourages me in ways I don't understand. I frigging love that about him! His could that bitch of an ex ever cheat on him? He is such a great guy.  
His deep blue eyes are still piercing into my soul while he waits for me to continue what I started. It's like he really can see through me with his angel eyes. And his eyebrow of doom showing up right now doesn't help either. I'm totally screwed! The damn L-Word is lingering to get out. For now I push it down. I clear my throat. Let's get over with it.  
"I know we haven't been a couple for long but I feel like I've known you forever already. To be short. I don't want to sleep alone any longer. If it's okay with you I'd like to stay here, in your place."  
His smile grows so wide, I could die in an instant. This is the smile he only shows to me. I've never seen him smile to anyone else like that.  
"Thought you'd never ask." He swallows his bite. "Yes Dean. You are very welcome to stay as long as you want."  
"Can we do it a little bit more permanently?"  
"Huh? Like?"   
Damn he really wants me to name it. Fuck him! Good idea, will.do that later. Man, my head is not in the game.  
"Like moving in together."  
He knew this was coming! That bitch! Now I feel naked. His fucking smile grows even wider and his piercing eyes look warmly at me. I fucking love him!  
"If you really want to move in here, I'm happy to have you. If you wish, we also could move into your place together."  
That was never an option. I like the apartement above my workshop but I love Cas' place more. Also I wanted to give the apartment as a wedding present for Eileen and Sam.  
"Your place is great Cas! I'll be honored to live here."  
He stops eating, stands up, bows over the table, cups my face and kisses me deeply.  
"I'm glad you'll stay."  
His voice is packed with emotion. As if his usual gravel wasn't enough to make a man sweat in his pants.  
After breakfast I excuse myself to get my stuff. Cas offers to help but nope, not this time. This is something I wish to do on my own. Also I need to tell Dam the news. I'm sure he'll be happy for me. I'm also pretty sure he has sent Cas one or two death threats already, the caring little shit he is.  
I drive to the workshop. It doesn't feel like coming home, just like arriving at work. Maybe it never felt like home.  
Sam is already in the apartment, waiting for me. Texted him to meet me there before I left Cas' place.  
"Dude that's great! I'm happy for you."  
I pull my not so little little brother in a hug and he is patting on my back.  
"Thanks Sammy."  
He smiles. "It's Sam."  
He helps me to pack my belongings, clothes, some books, lots of DVDs, supplies for whatever one could need and a lot of family pictures   
"What about this place Dean?"  
"Well, actually I planned to give it to Eileen and you as a wedding gift. You don't have a real place yet, do you?"  
"No, thanks Dean. Actually I love this place and so dies Eileen. Thanm you so very much."  
"You are welcome little brother."  
So many things are changing. But I'll always have my brother to have my back and he will always have me. No matter what.  
Maybe one day we are able to buy ourselves two houses next to each other with white picked fences, green dress and a huge garden for whatever roommates we'll have. May it be kids or pets.  
I drive back to Cas, the official formalities will come layer this week. I park Baby in her usual spot. It's like everyone knows that she belongs here, that this is her place.  
Before I get in I notice the damn cat. Black fur, eying me curious. 'Butch' is the name if I remember correctly. Cas mentioned the Cat once or twice. I know Cas likes to pet and treat Butch. The name alone! Who names a cat fucking 'Butch'? I'm not so much for cats but I guess it's Butchs lucky day.  
I call his name and he slanders over. Pushing himself against my legs. I get down to him and streak his fur. It's so black and soft. It even shines when the sun is kissing it.  
I just noticed the cats eyes are blue, like Cas'. No wonder Cas likes him so much. I decide this is the only Cat I'll ever pet.  
After a while Butch has enough of love for today and walks away. I shrug, get my stuff out of Babies trunk and carry it up the few steps to Cas' loft. As I enter I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm home.


	25. The Day Before

Dean moving in with me was the best thing ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong, it's not only rainbows and butterflies. Sure we fight from time to time. Mostly over nothing. But the make up sex afterwards is amazing. Especially when we both still are a tad angry. It's fast, it's hard and damn hot. So worth it!  
We both have our day job but going home with the knowledge that someone is waiting makes ones heart fly like a young bird.  
Every friday we have movie night. We watch our favorite movies, sometimes argue about that movie logic if often way far from real world logic. Often we just enjoy sitting next to each other, holding hands or cuddle. Turns out Dean is a big softie who loved to cuddle. This side of Dean is so well hidden, only I get to see it.  
Sometimes we go to the cinema at movie nights but we rather stay home. It's often hard to keep our hands off of each other and we had a few complaints about that from the cinema staff.  
Days become weeks, weeks turn into a month, the month runs into six months. Eileen and Sam's wedding comes closer by the hour.  
This would be the perfect opportunity to say the magical three words to Dean. Neither of us has said it yet.  
For me, I used the excuse so often that it was too fast, too soon. The words were lurking inside me since the day we had our first kiss, maybe even before. Every day it gets a bit harder to shove them away.  
The wedding is set for tomorrow. We threw a nice bachelor party for Sam last Friday. Just us three going out, having a few drinks, toasting on Sam's bright future.  
Dean and I went to buy a tux. I didn't see it in all it's glory on him, neither did he see me. As if we were both brides hiding our wedding dress from our groom. I don't think it was on purpose, it just sorta happened. Now both the tuxes hang in the closet next to each other.  
Today is still movie night, it's Friday, wedding tomorrow on Eileen's birthday.  
There is something we haven't tried yet. I always wanted to try sixty-nine or just a simple blow job. It simply never came to it yet. No particular reason, we just love having the other inside of us or touching us till we come, tongues busy tangling each other. Nothing can stop me from doing it today.  
I don't even care what movie Dean chooses, my brain is busy elsewhere. We sit on our couch as usual, wearing only our pants. We both know by now more clothing won't do us any good during movie night.  
After the movie starts I finally find the will to ask.  
"Dean, I'd like to try something new. Would you be up to it?"  
"Depends. What's on your mind sweety?" The list of pet names never ends.  
"Uhm." My face gets hot. "I'd like to try...sixty-nine." I only whisper.  
His eyes grow wide. "For real?"  
"Yes. I've been wanting to try it for a while now."  
"Fuck yeah! I'm in."  
I frigging love that man! I place myself on his lap first, simply to kiss him. We kiss as if we've never kissed before, full of passion, desire and longing for each other. Our hands are moving all over.   
After a moment we are in a vertical position. No idea how we got there. Dean breaks the kiss.  
"Eh Cas, not that I complain but uhm sixty-nine works a bit differently. Please turn around."  
I place a kiss on him, turn myself around, head down near his crotch. Dean is in the same position.  
We both carefully pull down the others pants. I feel his warn breath on my exposed skin. All my blood goes south. Apparently my effect on him is similar, cause damn, it's already high up and twitching.  
"Oh Dean, that's hot."  
"Hmm. Less talking, start licking."  
I chuckle. "So demanding, love it."  
That's the last any of us says. I do as I'm told and place soft kisses on his shaft. Soft moans ring in my ear. Though who am I to talk? His lips are on me, I can't keep in the moans either.  
Dean adds his tongue.what a rush that is! I do the same. Fuck, that part of him tastes even much better! I add my hand to gently streak while I'm licking up and down. Soon I'm carefully licking his tip, already dripping with pre happiness.  
"Oh Cas! Pleas! Fuck! More!"  
I deepen the licks, pulling him deeper in my mouth, still gently stroking. Dean already took all of me in, making me thrust in his mouth. This feels too damn good to not share this with him. I'm taking him in deeper and deeper. He gently thrusts against my throat. I thought I might gag, but nothing. As if my throat was made to take all of Dean in.  
Our thrust become harder, faster, we both are close. No talking needed or possible, our bodies simple move in perfect harmony, soft moans skipping our filled mouth. That's what I was hoping for.  
We come at the same time. A salty warm fluid runs through my mouth. I feel Dean swallowing it all and why not? Doesn't taste too bad. Also no cleaning needed, big plus.  
I turn around again, placing my head on his chest.  
"That was amazing! Thanks Dean."  
He fondled my hair. "It was fucking awesome Cas! I'd like to do that again. You really have a hot mouth."  
"You make me blush."  
He smiles. "Suits you well. Now come up here and kiss me."  
He like to command me and I'm all in for it. Though sometimes he likes me taking control. Holy shit! To have all the power over his well being is such a rush.  
I kiss his lips and put tongues join. I taste a rest of what I've done to his mouth, but soon it's a wild mix of everything our tongues tasted this evening. For the first time in the last six months we finish our movie with not missing most of it.


	26. Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. If you read till now, thank you for reading.

We wake up early, take a shower together, just for the fun of it and dress up for the wedding. Fuck! Dean is smoking hot in his tux.  
"You clean up very nicely, can't wait to ripp you out of this."  
He blushes. "Don't objectify me."  
I laugh. "Weak comeback, weak."  
He laughs too. "Alrighty Cas. You are fucking hot in that tux!"  
I'm the one blushing now. Dammit! I'm not a school girl who just got asked out to prom!  
Like always we arrive perfectly on time at the little church. Sam is nervous like hell, I've never seen him walking around shaking like a freezing puppy. It's actually adorable.   
Dean talks some sense into him. "Chill dude, no need to be nervous. Eileen loves you, don't know why, obviously she is all for moose riding, but she loves you."  
Sam chuckles. "You are an idiot."  
"I know, bitch."  
"Jerk."  
These two have their own dynamics.  
A few moments later a servant of the priest comes in to tell us that's time for the groom and his best man to take their place. Of course Dean is Sam's best men. Though San wants me next to his brother.  
"You're family Cas. You belong here."  
"Very kind of you. Thanks."  
The rows of the little church are filled with family and friends of both parties. On Sam's side are his proud looking adoptive mother Ellen and her daughter Josephine, charlie who is a close friend to Sam and Dean and Charlie's girlfriend. Jody Mills the sherif who investigated Bobbies death and became a friend of the Family, her girlfriend Donna, also a sherif, their foster children Patience, Alex and Kaya. And Claire. Sam agreed to invite our waitress cause she had been a great help for Dean and me during our vacation. She eyes kaya so often it is obvious that there is something between them. Then there was Jack, a young friend of Sam. More like his prodigal son.  
On Eileens side are a lot of people I don't know but all look happy for her. Everyone seems to get along.  
The traditional wedding March starts to play, announcing the bride has arrived. First come her bridesmaids, beautiful young ladies. Then there she is,standing at the end of the aisle, wearing a beautiful dream of white, shining so bright like she fell in a radioactive soup, smiling very fondly at Sam.  
Everyone can see Sam swallowing hard, eyes wide open, not able to believe that this is really happening. Despite the fact that she can't hear the music Eileen walks towards the altar in perfect harmony with it.  
As she reaches the altar both smile at each other. The priest is blabbing his usual text, adding ASL for Eileen, they both say their vows. Eileen's get translated into words. Beautiful vows, unpresidented vows.  
Priest babbles on till he comes to the asking part. He asks Sam firt. Sam says after 'Yes' than the priest can finish the question which gets him a chuckle from.the room. Now it's Eileen's turn. Still doing the ASL for her and saying out the words the priest finishes. This is one of the rare occasions where we get to hear Eileen's voice.  
"Yes." She says.  
The priest pronounces the newly weds and we apl applaud. This was a wonderful wedding.  
We assemble outside the chapel and when the couple comes out we rain them with flower peds, all natural of course, while they walk through us. They drive away to be on their own till we have the wedding party in the evening.  
Dean and I go to the location and check everything out. Our guests arrive slowly but all do before the couple is supposed to show. A few new people shoe up, they couldn't make it to the wedding cause work got in the way.  
Wedding parties are amazing, everyone is genuinely happy for the newly weds. I think we have very special guests. Everybody, literally everybody gets along. So many nice people.   
When they are supposed to dance with their parents Eileen dances with Dean. Sam dances with Ellen. Afterwards Dean comes to me.  
"Cas, honor me with the next dance." He even holds out his hand.  
"That for sure makes a good chick-flick." I say to tease him.  
He chuckles, grabs my hand and pulls me on the dancefloor with him.  
First I'm scared that everyone will look all judgemental at us but no one does. Quiet the opposite. Donna and Jody are already at it and even Claire manages to get Kaya on the dancefloor. I loose a weight I didn't know I had.  
We dance tight. Of course they play those slow motion songs. Suckers! Everyone is tangled to their person of heart.  
"Let's take a walk Cas." Dean whispers in my ear.  
Again he takes me by my hand and gently accompanies me outside.  
It's a beautiful night, no clouds, the full moon is filling everything with it's silver soft light, all stars twinkle like diamonds. Dean stops on a little hill not far from the party.  
"That was a nice wedding, wasn't it?"  
"Yes it was. Everyone looks so happy."  
"Sam is definitely happy."  
I humm in agreement.  
"Beautiful evening too right?"  
"Yes, it's perfect. The weather is very nice, the full moon and the stars give it a nice touch. It's wonderful Dean."  
"There is a reason I brought you here Cas."  
I wonder what that could be. For me this is already perfect. I'm close to say these three words to Dean.  
"What is it Dean?" I say instead.  
"Uhm..." he touches the back of his neck, obviously shy to say what's on his mind.  
For once I can't wait till he gets it together, those words need to get out. "I love you Dean!" Felt good to finally spit it out.  
"You do?"  
"Yes Dean. I'm in love with you since the day I've met you. I love you so much, I can't nor won't imagine ever being without you."  
"Oh wow, Cas, you are so good with words. That's exactly what I wanted to tell you. Castiel I love you too, have loved you since forever. I love you Cas."  
Feels also very good to hear these words. I must have something in my face, cause now Dean is staring at me.  
"Your smile is so damn beautiful."  
How he always makes me blush. Before I can respond he pulls me in and we kiss. I think that's the deepest kiss we ever had.  
"Marry me Cas." He says into my mouth.  
Oh lord! My heart almost explodes. "Yes Dean, I marry you matty me, please Dean."  
"Fuck Cas! I love you!"  
"I love you too!"  
Neither of us cares that this is the most girlish moment of all time as we kiss each other, loosing a tear of happiness under the soft light of the full silver moon.

____________________________The End__________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had fun writing this one. My friend anu helped through it, made me rethink some phrases, especially the fight scene. it was not so understandable as it's now before. Also the sex scenes were pretty hard (ha), I rarely write it that way. Oh and I avoided certain words in the hope to make it less smutty.


End file.
